Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

The Black Flag Cafe is the place travelers come to share stories and advice. Moderated by Robert Young Pelton the author of The World's Most Dangerous Places.

Moderator: coldharvest

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby grawp » Tue Jul 15, 2014 2:31 am

Anybody else think Bill Maher's getting more and more creepy-looking?
Five more years and he'll be living in West Palm Beach wearing white bucks after Labor Day, sporting aviator bifocal Ray-Bans perched on his schnoz, and belting his pants just south of his man-nipples.
White belt, of course, he's a fashionista, don't you know.
The world will never love us. They respect us - they might even grow to fear us.
But they will never love us, for we have too much audacity!

- Theodore Roosevelt – “The Wind & the Lion” (1975)
grawp
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1245
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:12 pm
Location: Great Smoky Mtns.

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby friendlyskies » Tue Jul 15, 2014 1:46 pm

It's the Botox, I think - cosmetic surgery (or whatever Botox, Restylin et al counts as) always looks creepier on guys. At least he hasn't gone full Bruce Jenner. I see Wheaties at the store and get creeped out.

Image
"4 cylinder Camaro=communism" El Presidente

"You can smoke salmon but it's not quite the same as smoking heroin." nanuq
User avatar
friendlyskies
Vata Loca
 
Posts: 7459
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:36 pm
Location: Atlantis

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby gnaruki » Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:15 pm

I don't find it creepy, unnatural yes, but not creepy. It reduces a person's ability to utilize facial expressions.

Youth worship... I don't get it.

Image

Image

Now here are some cool lookin' old mugs:

Image

Image
User avatar
gnaruki
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby coldharvest » Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:19 pm

If you have vanity surgery you are a vain cunt.
I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
User avatar
coldharvest
Abdul Rahman
 
Posts: 25677
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:36 am
Location: Island of Misfit Toys

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby ktrout » Sun Jul 20, 2014 7:27 am

This might be my new favorite Metallica song. Cover of an obscure British punk band.
Thought you might like it, Cold.
I'm starting to get into the British punk rhythm and beat.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XoyDqFy5pU[/youtube]
Be nice to me. I'm a rug muncher.
User avatar
ktrout
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:12 am
Location: USDA Climate zone 9b

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby gnaruki » Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:28 pm

http://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/portland/99-problems-with-portland


99 problems with Portland

Published on 6/25/2014

By Drew Tyson
47057

Portland

Share on Facebook
Tweet this article

Flickr/Glen Mazza

Portland's got a lot of stuff going for it (great food, its own TV show, it's not Seattle!), but it's not perfect. In fact, between our rampant hipsterism, the constant rain, and urine in our reservoirs, it's safe to say we have a few problems. Actually, there are about 99 problems with PDX...

1. Constant drizzle
2. Vintage polo shirt = dressing up
3. Socks and sandals
4. Passive-aggression
5. Overpriced cocktails
6. Everything’s a “scene”
7. No hip-hop scene… oops
8. Artisanal everything
9. Toe shoes
10. A-Terminal at PDX
11. The Lloyd Center
12. Can’t buy liquor in the grocery store
13. Stole “Keep Portland Weird” from Austin
14. Unkempt beards
15. Trendy-third
16. People from Vancouver crossing the river to shop without sales tax
17. People from Gresham
18. People from Clackamas
19. Depending on who you ask, either the East side or the West side
20. Transit patrol (the MAX isn’t free?)
21. Starbucks
22. No air conditioning anywhere (for those two days we need it)
23. Food carts that don’t take credit cards
24. There's only one Wu-Tang Pizza pop-up
25. Your friend’s band
26. Mold...
27. ... and lots of other allergens
28. Your parents are seriously talking about moving here
29. Our second-hand stores are filled with expensive designer clothing
30. Regular E. coli scares
31. Voodoo Donuts is somehow popular
32. Parades that shut down the city
33. Snow flurries that shut down the city
34. The clever panhandlers who wait outside of Ground Kontrol
35. The lack of good BBQ
36. Intoxicated PSU students
37. EDM at the Roseland
38. Safeway
39. We have how many strip clubs? And only one is open after 2am?!
40. First Thursday
41. Last Thursday
42. You might get an STD walking barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park
43. People walk barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park
44. Dogs in bars
45. Dogs in restaurants
46. Dogs in carriages
47. Pabst is the only cheap beer that's ironic enough to drink. Except for Rainier, 'cause it's "local"
48. Signature collectors with clipboards
49. The impending doom of Cartopia
50. Brunch lines
51. Portlandia
52. Pop-up Dave Chappelle shows that you’ll never get tickets to
53. Fair-weather sports fans
54. Pee in the reservoir
55. All the other stuff in the reservoir
56. Chinatown
57. No thunderstorms
58. There are a ton of sweet new restaurants you haven't tried
59. The vagrant population
60. Not being able to pump your own gas
61. Potholes
62. Rockslides/mudslides
63. We named a bridge Tilikum
64. Construction on Division
65. The Streetcar's "top" speed
66. "Where can I get good Mexican food?"
67. James Beard Public Market doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen
68. Powell’s construction
69. My neighborhood doesn’t have a New Seasons yet
70. Leaf blowers
71. Marijuana's still illegal (technically)
72. Aggressive bus drivers
73. Alder St Downtown
74. Parking on the West side
75. When the bridge is raised
76. American Property Management
77. No late-night dining (or otherwise)
78. The OLCC
79. People who complain about the weather
80. People who complain about people who complain about the weather
81. Some Timbers fans
82. The real Chinatown is on 82nd
83. Rich white kids from the West Hills
84. Homogeneity
85. High income tax
86. Gentrification
87. Waterfront Park is constantly filled with events during our two months of Summer
88. Your coffee order is scrutinized
89. Your beer order is scrutinized
90. PSU Farmers Market is always packed
91. Californians
92. Mount Hood could erupt at any moment
93. Nobody seems to be able to drive in the rain
94. Cats on leashes
95. Motorists vs. cyclists vs. pedestrians
96. The New York Times won't shut up about us already
97. The Naked Bike Ride
98. We’re only 173 miles from Seattle...
99. ... and some people actually think they're better than us. Seriously?!
User avatar
gnaruki
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby Bronco » Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:46 pm

Since we're almost neighbors and I go into Portland every now and then, I thought I'd respond to some of the remarks on the list you posted:

No hip-hop scene… oops Hooray! No Disco scene, either :o)
The lack of good BBQ You should head East about 80 miles
First Thursday First Friday
Last Thursday Last Friday
No thunderstorms Forest Fires started by lightning. You must have missed them, but we were on evacuation notice.
Not being able to pump your own gas Help the otherwise unemployed..It's an option to serving burgers & fries.
Your coffee order is scrutinized The days of good coffee are over. It's Lattes or nothing. Gotta be able to decorate it.
High income tax High property tax, because....No Sales Tax!
"I used to care, but things have changed"
Bob Dylan
User avatar
Bronco
Old Man On The Mountain
 
Posts: 2354
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:05 am
Location: Just Passin' Through..

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby gnaruki » Sat Jul 26, 2014 8:07 pm

Bronco wrote:Since we're almost neighbors and I go into Portland every now and then, I thought I'd respond to some of the remarks on the list you posted:

No hip-hop scene… oops Hooray! No Disco scene, either :o)
The lack of good BBQ You should head East about 80 miles
First Thursday First Friday
Last Thursday Last Friday
No thunderstorms Forest Fires started by lightning. You must have missed them, but we were on evacuation notice.
Not being able to pump your own gas Help the otherwise unemployed..It's an option to serving burgers & fries.
Your coffee order is scrutinized The days of good coffee are over. It's Lattes or nothing. Gotta be able to decorate it.
High income tax High property tax, because....No Sales Tax!


Good to hear a voice of reason. Allow me to tack on some comments to the list:

1. Constant drizzle - Can't change the weather. Love it or leave it.
2. Vintage polo shirt = dressing up - You must only hang out with the hoi polloi
3. Socks and sandals - I think it's a mormon thing
4. Passive-aggression - Can't stand it BUT if you act forward other people will act forward.
5. Overpriced cocktails - Shop around
6. Everything’s a “scene” - You're not from around here, are ya?
7. No hip-hop scene… oops - Blame Portland's finest
8. Artisanal everything - And it's bullshit, made in China ain't artisanal no matter how you try to spin it.
9. Toe shoes - They look stupid and expensive, try no shoes instead.
10. A-Terminal at PDX - Piss off.
11. The Lloyd Center - Why!?! That's where Tonya Harding used to practice her skating tricks.
12. Can’t buy liquor in the grocery store - Boo-hoo try planning your drinking in advance.
13. Stole “Keep Portland Weird” from Austin - Agreed.
14. Unkempt beards - Partially agreed.
15. Trendy-third - 23rd? You mean the first neighborhood in Portland to get trendified? Place is for tourists these days, give us your money!
16. People from Vancouver crossing the river to shop without sales tax - Again, give us your money!
17. People from Gresham - Fuck off, they're people too you fair weather elitist.
18. People from Clackamas - see 17.
19. Depending on who you ask, either the East side or the West side. - Makes no difference these days.
20. Transit patrol (the MAX isn’t free?) - Correct. Read the signage. In fact read a fucking newspaper while you're at it.
21. Starbucks - So? It's overpriced and everywhere in the world.
22. No air conditioning anywhere (for those two days we need it) - Maybe some wine will help your whine.
23. Food carts that don’t take credit cards - Food carts are a scam at these point. Used to be cheap eats, now they're charging restaurant prices. Fuck 'em.
24. There's only one Wu-Tang Pizza pop-up - It's a tragedy
25. Your friend’s band - How old are you?
26. Mold... - It can easily be managed though good house keeping practices.
27. ... and lots of other allergens - Go back to where you came from. The grass seed capitol of the world is 100 miles south. Deal with it.
28. Your parents are seriously talking about moving here - It truly is becoming a retirement destination.
29. Our second-hand stores are filled with expensive designer clothing - Ya. Cuz transplant kids that are subsidized by their parents move here and sell it off for cash.
30. Regular E. coli scares - If every city's water was monitored like Portland's there would be E. coli scares throughout the country. Portland has some of the best tap water in the country.
31. Voodoo Donuts is somehow popular - Tres is a fun dude. It's great he's making money off it, ultimately it's a tourist thing. Karaoke From Hell is his masterpiece.
32. Parades that shut down the city - Portland tradition. It's older than you and more important than you.
33. Snow flurries that shut down the city - Awesome. We get city wide snow days every other year.
34. The clever panhandlers who wait outside of Ground Kontrol - HAhahah Brilliant! (Ground Kontrol is a pinball and video game arcade, that also serves beer)
35. The lack of good BBQ - Really? Apparently you don't get out much.
36. Intoxicated PSU students - You must live in the South park blocks.
37. EDM at the Roseland - Agreed.
38. Safeway - What? The one by PSU is a hoot at midnight.
39. We have how many strip clubs? And only one is open after 2am?! - I don't follow.
40. First Thursday - Agreed. It's gone down hill.
41. Last Thursday - Agreed. Annoying 'burner' types.And the mayor yelled at me once for drinking a beer in public.
42. You might get an STD walking barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park - Heroine is a hell of a drug
43. People walk barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park - Agreed.
44. Dogs in bars - I love it.
45. Dogs in restaurants - see 44
46. Dogs in carriages - Pathetic
47. Pabst is the only cheap beer that's ironic enough to drink. Except for Rainier, 'cause it's "local"- I don't follow
48. Signature collectors with clipboards - Most of them make $15/hr.
49. The impending doom of Cartopia - Good.
50. Brunch lines - You're a dipshit if you stand in line to eat at a mediocre brunch spot.
51. Portlandia - The statue or the teevee show>?
52. Pop-up Dave Chappelle shows that you’ll never get tickets to - damn shame
53. Fair-weather sports fans - I don't follow
54. Pee in the reservoir - Whatever
55. All the other stuff in the reservoir - You hate water?
56. Chinatown - It moved East. Fortunately many of the families that built old chinatown still own the buildings.
57. No thunderstorms - They occur nearby.
58. There are a ton of sweet new restaurants you haven't tried - Whatever. Most of them are hyped up, overpriced shit.
59. The vagrant population - Yep. They arrive in full force come June and don't leave till September. See 42
60. Not being able to pump your own gas - Creates jobs and reduces insurance costs. If you don't like it buy a diesel powered auto.
61. Potholes - Meh. I'm not going to prattle on for pages about our fcuked up transportation bureaucracy .
62. Rockslides/mudslides - Uncommon. Do you remember 1996?
63. We named a bridge Tilikum - Agreed. Wy'east would have been much cooler.
64. Construction on Division - It's the new 23rd! (trendy third)
65. The Streetcar's "top" speed - I like racing it... on foot.... I usually win.
66. "Where can I get good Mexican food?" - Not telling
67. James Beard Public Market doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen - Probably a flop
68. Powell’s construction - They're managing it quite well.
69. My neighborhood doesn’t have a New Seasons yet - Yep, im sure you live in downtown SW.
70. Leaf blowers - Really? Fuck off. Go try leaf removal by rake and broom and get back to me.
71. Marijuana's still illegal (technically) - don't care
72. Aggressive bus drivers - I don't follow.
73. Alder St Downtown - Don't drive there.
74. Parking on the West side - Noob
75. When the bridge is raised - Which one?
76. American Property Management - You let yourself get screwed out of your apartment deposit? Boo hoo.
77. No late-night dining (or otherwise) - Don't follow.
78. The OLCC- Some of their rules are stupid but they distribution model is great.
79. People who complain about the weather See 1.
80. People who complain about people who complain about the weather See 79
81. Some Timbers fans - Agreed
82. The real Chinatown is on 82nd - Yep.
83. Rich white kids from the West Hills - Envious of their car?
84. Homogeneity - Don't follow. You clearly don't get far from city center.
85. High income tax - And that super high sales tax of 0%!!!!
86. Gentrification - Pot meet kettle.
87. Waterfront Park is constantly filled with events during our two months of Summer - Fun to be had.
88. Your coffee order is scrutinized - don't follow
89. Your beer order is scrutinized - don't follow
90. PSU Farmers Market is always packed - and overpriced
91. Californians - this has been an Oregonian past time since the 1980's.
92. Mount Hood could erupt at any moment - wanna bet?
93. Nobody seems to be able to drive in the rain - Just the first day of rain after a dry spell.
94. Cats on leashes - ahahhahahahahaaaaha
95. Motorists vs. cyclists vs. pedestrians - I don't know which one I hate more. We need jetpacks.
96. The New York Times won't shut up about us already - That has been going on for years.
97. The Naked Bike Ride - Passe
98. We’re only 173 miles from Seattle... - And only 3 hours! *traffic dependent.
99. ... and some people actually think they're better than us. Seriously?! - Better, worse, who gives a shit.
User avatar
gnaruki
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby svizzerams » Sat Jul 26, 2014 9:05 pm

gnaruki wrote:
Bronco wrote:91. Californians - this has been an Oregonian past time since the 1960's.


fixt ;-)
Joan of Arc went to battle with nothing
but the voices in her head
and a well-sharpened sword ~ Charlotte

...those without swords can still die upon them...

Illegitami non carborundum est
User avatar
svizzerams
Rx Rangerette
 
Posts: 6413
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 5:00 am
Location: Drug Goddess of Chelanistan

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby gnaruki » Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:00 pm

Image
Image
Image
User avatar
gnaruki
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby friendlyskies » Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:24 am

Image

Fishing for piranhas.
"4 cylinder Camaro=communism" El Presidente

"You can smoke salmon but it's not quite the same as smoking heroin." nanuq
User avatar
friendlyskies
Vata Loca
 
Posts: 7459
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:36 pm
Location: Atlantis

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby diamondcutter13 » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:50 am

diamondcutter13 wrote:great thanks now I have to watch Predator again. This line up needs some Jesse Ventura also:

Image


I take this back, Ventura is a Douchelord but I still want to shoot one of these.
Tacuero ceruisa, vigilate hoc
User avatar
diamondcutter13
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 377
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:14 am
Location: The Great White North, Loyalist Township.

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby coldharvest » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:22 pm

diamondcutter13 wrote:I take this back, Ventura is a Douchelord but I still want to shoot one of these.

I know
He makes a living playing phoney tough guys and then feels he needs to sue the widow of an actual hero
because.....wait for it
he believes someone could besmirch his 'reputation' more than he himself has.

He's a total cunt and I hope he dies alone and in pain.
I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
User avatar
coldharvest
Abdul Rahman
 
Posts: 25677
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:36 am
Location: Island of Misfit Toys

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby Kurt » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:37 pm

My entertaining shit involves a funeral.

A former co-worker of mine died a while back. My other former co-worker and I were taking a long trip up to the funeral home for the wake and funeral combo that people here have to save some cash.

Since we were all office workers we thought it would be funny to do a "gangsta" style funeral like putting stolen office pens in the casket and writing "muthafucka" somewhere in the coffin with spilled toner.

So we go into the viewing area and in the coffin their is this gaudy dead woman and we are really embarrassed. We think we walked into the wrong wake and start walking away

Then I recalled the woman in the coffin had a mustache.

It was our friend.

Anyway, thats the thing about work dress codes, you never completely get to know someone.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 21998
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby gnaruki » Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:34 am

Kurt wrote:My entertaining shit involves a funeral.

A former co-worker of mine died a while back. My other former co-worker and I were taking a long trip up to the funeral home for the wake and funeral combo that people here have to save some cash.

Since we were all office workers we thought it would be funny to do a "gangsta" style funeral like putting stolen office pens in the casket and writing "muthafucka" somewhere in the coffin with spilled toner.

So we go into the viewing area and in the coffin their is this gaudy dead woman and we are really embarrassed. We think we walked into the wrong wake and start walking away

Then I recalled the woman in the coffin had a mustache.

It was our friend.

Anyway, thats the thing about work dress codes, you never completely get to know someone.


Reminds me of a phone call regarding a michael who wanted to become a michelle. Will it affect how you're treated at your job post-op? Well, considering business contact is only done over the phone it won't effect customer relationships. Apparently he (she? I can never figure that one out) is happily living in San Francisco now. Made no difference to me, I suppose her face-to-face coworkers got uncomfortable.
User avatar
gnaruki
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:39 am
Location: Pacific Northwest

PreviousNext

Return to Black Flag Cafe

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests