Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby flipflop » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:19 am

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Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country - Bertrand Russell
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby coldharvest » Mon Sep 19, 2011 2:16 pm

Christ almighty you won't believe this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmULz03wdQ0
I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby Expat » Mon Sep 19, 2011 2:48 pm

coldharvest wrote:Christ almighty you won't believe this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmULz03wdQ0


Holy shit.

I bet that poor bastard was eating saltines and weak beef tea for a month.
"For me the National Sport of England is war and cricket is for pot bellied schoolmasters and dullards."

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby coldharvest » Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:24 pm

I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby HockeyGuy » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:48 pm

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby HockeyGuy » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:56 pm

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby LechoZX » Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:16 pm

HockeyGuy wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pO8sUVJZjk&feature=player_embedded


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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby marie-angelique » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:30 am

craigslist: yoga mat for sale, used only once
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Yoga mat for sale. Used once - $1 (Bellevue)

Date: 2011-09-17, 8:41PM PDT
Reply to: sale-vuyvq-2604350472@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.
"Give me control of your TV and I could have you sticking bullets in the backs of peoples heads within a month." nowonmai

"anything you say sounds dirty to me."
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby marie-angelique » Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:35 pm

Marines begin recruitment drive at gay community centre
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2011/09/21/marines-begin-recruitment-drive-at-gay-community-centre/
Marine recruiters pitched up at an Oklahoma gay community centre to find openly lesbian, gay or bisexual recruits.

The 18-year-old law banning openly gay troops was finally repealed yesterday and Marine recruiters set up a stall at the Dennis R Neill Equality Center in Tulsa.

A Pentagon survey carried out last year showed that nearly 60 per cent of troops in the most dangerous roles – in the Marines and combat units – said repeal of the ban would be damaging.

However, Marines typically pride themselves as elite and above all other military factions and the New York Times suggests the service will want to prove it is better than others in recruiting LGB people.

They were the only service to accept the equality centre’s invitation of holding a recruitment drive.

Although just a handful of would-be Marines turned up, Master Sgt Anthony Henry said: “My take is, if they can make it through our boot camp, which is the toughest boot camp in the world, then they ought to have the opportunity to wear the uniform.”
"Give me control of your TV and I could have you sticking bullets in the backs of peoples heads within a month." nowonmai

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby coldharvest » Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:07 am

I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
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Hi! I'm Vanessa. Will you Pee on Me? - t4mm - 18 (SOMA / sou

Postby marie-angelique » Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:08 pm

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cas/2616240009.html
Hi Ladies and Gents! My name is Vanessa and I recently found out in Rehab that I really like to be Peed on.
I'm so excited that Folsom is in just a few hours and I really want to experience some NSA Pee Play!
I will be roaming around looking for action, So if you think you're the person for me, Don't be shy!
I'll have a sign that says Puppet Urinal. So come out and relieve Yourselves!
xoxo Vanessa, Bucky and Friends

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"Give me control of your TV and I could have you sticking bullets in the backs of peoples heads within a month." nowonmai

"anything you say sounds dirty to me."
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby Expat » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:14 pm

OK, fine.

Sounds like perfect symbiosis to me. I need to pee regularly, and I can do this pretty much anywhere but Starbucks. She needs to be peed on. Kinda beautiful when you think about it. Like God working his little magic.
"For me the National Sport of England is war and cricket is for pot bellied schoolmasters and dullards."

Nowonmai, 12 Nov. 2007
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby LechoZX » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:48 pm



Funny, I didn't see that on TV in the US.
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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby LechoZX » Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:07 pm

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Re: Post some shit and enter fuckin tain me!

Postby marie-angelique » Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:50 pm

Expat wrote:OK, fine.

Sounds like perfect symbiosis to me. I need to pee regularly, and I can do this pretty much anywhere but Starbucks. She needs to be peed on. Kinda beautiful when you think about it. Like God working his little magic.


well it's a t4mm ad, so i doubt she was born a "she", but if you gotta go, it might not matter. i doubt she needs to carry a sign after a while the smell will give it away....
"Give me control of your TV and I could have you sticking bullets in the backs of peoples heads within a month." nowonmai

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