by friendlyskies » Sun Jan 10, 2016 11:31 am
Dear god was he paid by the word because this shit is LONG. I'm 2000+ words in and he's just now quoting El Chapo because dude wanted to know if US media was covering him. And he keeps talking about how fabulous everyone's wristwatch is without bothering to describe them. Are the solid gold? Encrusted with diamonds? Can we at least have a brand name? Jesus fuck. I'm never getting that 20 minutes of my life back, Sean.
EDIT: You're not going to tell us which major corporations in the USA and Mexico are laundering money for El Chapo, after he fucking told you, on the record? And right afterward, this self aggrandizing bit, "When I do journalism, I take no payment." Great, you're undermining the paycheck of actual journalists AND not naming names? GAH. I'm going to read every gratuitous fucking word of this interview though. Even though I have shit to do. Even though at least 300 of them have been about about how awesome Penn is in Haiti.
EDIT: Now he's talking about how he accidentally farted in front of El Chapo. And El Chapo, because of chivalry - that was the word Penn used - pretended not to notice. Kill me now there are like 5000 more of these words.
EDIT: "So Kate and I board the charter back to Los Angeles. Our heads are spinning. Had we really just been where we were? With whom we'd been? It seemed such a strange dream. Somehow, with all the planning and the travel, I still hadn't believed that we'd actually gotten to El Chapo." You know what my dream is? That Rolling Stone had an editor with the balls and permission to cut a piece by the great Sean Penn by about 3000 words.
EDIT: OMG now Penn thinks that the reason why El Chapo refuses to contact him in English, or send a video of himself interviewing himself, is because deep down he's a humble peasant instead of a real businessman. Um, you're the one asking for a favor, Mr. "I just had to mention I went to Lima and Managua because of World Bank stuff despite it having no bearing on the story," and you never bothered to learn Spanish despite living in Los Angeles your entire life. Jesus. To be fair, there was a really good bit about Algodones that didn't waste my time a few paras earlier.
EDIT: Finally, 5000 words in, we get to the 17-minute interview which is a video of El Chapo answering Penn's questions. A sample:
Do you consider yourself a violent person?
No, sir.
Are you prone to violence, or do you use it as a last resort?
Look, all I do is defend myself, nothing more. But do I start trouble? Never.
There's also a bit about how he used to sell oranges as a child, because of poverty.
EDIT: Oh man, what a stupid, pointless article. At least it's over. Your time would be better spent watching that movie he made with Madonna, I'm not even joking GAH.
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