Update from Ultra Swain

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Update from Ultra Swain

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:29 am

Now that Ultra Swain has moved on from this site he wishes me to be his personal spokesman, and I am happy to accommodate him. He thanks you all for worshipping him unconditionally and wishes to say this...

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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby nowonmai » Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:28 am

Ulrika Swaine would like you all to know that she has now fully transitioned. She is available for Sports Massages, life coaching and Poppers.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby goat balls » Mon Oct 10, 2016 11:27 pm

Where the hell is Swain?

And where is Coldharvest? I told him that I was going to fly up to that godforsaken freezing hell hole up north and kick his ass. He dared me to do it. I like dares.

And what is a popper? I have a feeling that it's a good thing that I'm unfamiliar with this term. Unless it's performed by a seriously hot Thai chick.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby ReptilianKittenEater » Tue Oct 11, 2016 2:46 am

goat balls wrote:Where the hell is Swain?

And where is Coldharvest? I told him that I was going to fly up to that godforsaken freezing hell hole up north and kick his ass. He dared me to do it. I like dares.


Bring a puffy jacket.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby nowonmai » Tue Oct 11, 2016 11:41 pm

goat balls wrote:Where the hell is Swain?

And where is Coldharvest? I told him that I was going to fly up to that godforsaken freezing hell hole up north and kick his ass. He dared me to do it. I like dares.

And what is a popper? I have a feeling that it's a good thing that I'm unfamiliar with this term. Unless it's performed by a seriously hot Thai chick.


Swaine is working the 0300-0600 shift in a Berlin Klub. On good days she turns over 500 Euros, especially if an Belgian stag night is visiting, maybe 700 if she does an off site sports massage. She trades under the name Aung San Roxy Peltswaine.

Poppers are alkyl nitrites which are legal in the UK, not least because they are very popular with British politicians and media personalities as they are vaso dilators which relax the smooth muscles of the body, including the anus. Well you asked.
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Goat Balls?

Postby Jefe » Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:43 pm

Where in Mexico if I may ask?

All my time south of the border and I have never been but since watching Dusk till Dawn feel a deeply rooted spiritual need to investigate.

Oh fuck, a travel question! Sorry, I will make sure to reply with a Guardian article refuting whatever you tell me, but I look forward to your reply.

Take care and all the best.
"Those who beat their swords into plowshares, inevitably wind up plowing for people with swords".

Jefe: well into a 12 pack of LaBatts Blue (AKA "BlueDevils"
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby RYP » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:18 pm

Swain is doing fine in the Pacific Northwest. Cold is going through a few things and we chat.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby goat balls » Fri Oct 28, 2016 12:58 pm

I got a report from a trusted source that Coldharvest surfaced at a karaoke club on yoko Ono night. Apparently he's a big yoko fan. Who knew?
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby nowonmai » Fri Oct 28, 2016 2:04 pm

goat balls wrote:I got a report from a trusted source that Coldharvest surfaced at a karaoke club on yoko Ono night. Apparently he's a big yoko fan. Who knew?


John Lennon did. Just saying.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby goat balls » Fri Oct 28, 2016 7:04 pm

I think Lennon liked yoko's cookie. And what she could do with that cookie. It's the only reasonable explanation for that whole debacle.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby Ultra_Swain » Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:30 pm

Hey tranny jokes! God bless every single one of you miserable fucks for keeping it real in my absence.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby nowonmai » Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:16 am

Ultra_Swain wrote:Hey tranny jokes! God bless every single one of you miserable fucks for keeping it real in my absence.


Who the fuck are you? You're not The Swine. He had a sense of humour until...the incident. This is like a Japanese horror film

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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby goat balls » Tue Dec 06, 2016 10:47 pm

Swain
Where you been? They keep saying "the Pacific Northwest." I lived there for ten years and I know that in addition to high taxes, batshit crazy politicians and environmentalist whackadoos, they have the Internet.

My man Nowonmai has alleged knob polishing for money. Maybe we should do an intervention on you? A serious backwoods Alaska hunting and fishing expedition that could become legendary? Grizzly bear hunt on mushrooms? Dear god we'd be lucky to return.
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby Ultra Swain » Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:36 pm

Moved back up to Washington state this summer. Been back from Burma 2 years and still trying to figure out what I am gonna do when I grow up.
Geez,am I NOT ALLOWED TO BE INTENSE FOR JUST 10 FUCKING SECONDS??!!!!!!!
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Re: Update from Ultra Swain

Postby goat balls » Wed Dec 07, 2016 12:11 am

Bravo, never been to Burma. I can safely assume that the local cops will slit your throat just to steal your boots? That's the way it is in Mexico.

I lived in that freezing hell hole Seattle for ten years. It's full of enraged commies that hate everybody. Don't go near it. Even the aroma of Tacoma is better.
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