HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

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HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby Jefe » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:17 pm

I crack up watching these things. Busting some guy from Europe trying to enter the above nations to work or something and acting like it is a highly dramatic case where danger abounded.

Here is my summary of the episodes:

CANADA If you don't cooperate with me, I am going to be forced to stop saying please Sir or Ma'am.
AUS Yes, you can have your crack pipes back, but not the pills. And don't worry about screaming at me, apparently there's really nothing we can do about it.
US I am going to treat you like a pig and hassle the crap out of you because you are suspected of something so minor, an ant would view it as a pebble. Meanwhile, as Dr. Doom and
his support staff breeze thru.......

One of the best ones was in Canada where they found a knife on a Chinese Merchant vessel: "You know this is illegal aye? You could be in a lot of trouble for this knife because god knows, that on an ocean going merchant vessel, a knife is uncalled for and a dangerous weapon." (aftermath: "My heart was really pumping on that one. Officer safety is paramount, so we had a helicopter flying around to support this sting and the entire takedown costs about $125,000 dollars, but, we are boldly protecting people and risking our lives. Did you see how beady that Captains eyes were?
"Those who beat their swords into plowshares, inevitably wind up plowing for people with swords".

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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby ReptilianKittenEater » Wed Nov 16, 2016 3:53 am

I have had odd experiences bringing weapon-like objects back into Canada (not real weapons as they could not hurt anyone). I brought back an antique schimtar with a camel bone handle and sheath but with a blade that had not been sharpened in years. It would not give you as much as a paper cut. For some reason British Airways would not allow something that looked like a weapon as carry on and it was too long to fit in the luggage so I strapped it on to the backpack. The hot customs agent yelled at me for not declaring the import of a weapon but let me have it anyways.

Another time I brought a mini blow dart gun in.....Not a proper one, they are about 8 feet long, this one was about a foot long and was only good enough to annoy squirrels. They seized it anyways.
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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby Kurt » Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:04 pm

Blow guns are awesome.

I have one like yours (about 5' long) and I have to get a dartboard for it.

The round tipped saftey darts also provided my late cat with hours of chasing darts and evading darts I fired at him. He was the only cat I know that liked to have anything that was not water thrown at him.
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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby Darcy » Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:51 pm

We had this post-retirement Scottish technician giving our Super Puma ground school eons ago in Norway, and he told us this tale that he was in the deepest darkest Papua New Guinea highlands with a bunch of SAS types near some contested border, some highland-jungle bar where the guys would play darts with an old blowgun that hung on the bar wall. He had just come in from performing maintenance on these old Seakings and next thing one of these rusty old darts found its way through his neck. The SAS guys apologized profusely and he was flown out and they were quite concerned about the rust but now he has the scars on either side of his neck and a hell of a story.
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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby goat balls » Wed Nov 16, 2016 11:09 pm

Quite a few reports of soldiers searching cars at the Canadian border areas the last few days. Not customs, regular army.

Eight soldiers at port Huron Michigan bridge the other night.
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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby ReptilianKittenEater » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:23 am

goat balls wrote:Quite a few reports of soldiers searching cars at the Canadian border areas the last few days. Not customs, regular army.

Eight soldiers at port Huron Michigan bridge the other night.


Keeping the left wing kooks out. No seriously probably looking for gun runners. I am headed to Buffalo for the weekend so I will report any unusual activity.
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Re: HILARIOUS NETFLIX SHOWS CBP Canada, Aus, US

Postby Jefe » Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:37 pm

I remember once when Quebec was talking about breaking away from Canada (a full referendum) I was doing border surveillance (military and in uniform) and when I checked in at the port of entry, a Customs guy asked me to ask the carss coming thru the basics, destination, citizenship etc., while he took a piss and tell them to pull over if something seemed off.

My name tag/unit is taped over and a nice Canadian family with kids pulls up and I go thru the speel and wish them a nice day.

The father/driver thanks me and says "Can I ask you why the military is up here on the border?"

Remember my name tag/unit is covered I told him with a straight face "We are standing by in case Quebec actually does try to secede from Canada"

LOL, the abject horror on him and his wife's face as they drove away was priceless.

They used to have signs in the barracks by the CQ Desk as you left that said "Remember; you are an Ambassador for your Country". LOL, Make me Ambassador to Iran and give me a plane full of Jack Daniels.
"Those who beat their swords into plowshares, inevitably wind up plowing for people with swords".

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