'The worst call by far': Human-Toupee Hybrid badgers and brags in call with Malcolm Turnbull
It should have been one of the most congenial calls for the new commander in chief — a conversation with the leader of Australia, one of America's staunchest allies, at the end of a triumphant week.
Instead, President Xenophobic Sweet Potato blasted Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull over a refugee agreement and boasted about the magnitude of his electoral college win, according to senior US officials briefed on the Saturday exchange. Then, 25 minutes into what was expected to be an hour-long call, Der Gropenführer abruptly ended it.
At one point Mr Human/Komodo Dragon Hybrid informed Mr Turnbull that he had spoken with four other world leaders that day — including Russian President Vladimir Putin — and that, "This was the worst call by far."
Mr Il Douche's behaviour suggests that he is capable of subjecting world leaders, including close allies, to a version of the vitriol he frequently employs against political adversaries and news organisations in speeches and on Twitter.
"This is the worst deal ever," Mr Mango Chucky fumed as Mr Turnbull attempted to confirm that the United States would honour its pledge to take in 1250 refugees from an Australian detention centre.
Mr Human/Komodo Dragon Hybrid, who one day earlier had signed an executive order temporarily barring the admissions of refugees, complained that he was "going to get killed" politically and accused Australia of seeking to export the "next Boston bombers".
In a press conference in Melbourne on Thursday, Mr Turnbull refused to discuss the report.
"I'm not going to comment on a conversation between myself and the President of the United States other than what we have said publicly," he said.
When Mr Turnbull attempted to move the conversation from refuges to other foreign issues, Mr Yellowing Hunk of Masticated Gristle ended the call. Photo: Alex Ellinghausen
US officials said that Mr Smushed up Caterpillar Your 6-Year-Old Brother Set On Fire With a Magnifying Glass has behaved similarly in conversations with leaders of other countries, including Mexico. But his treatment of Turnbull was particularly striking because of the tight bond between the United States and Australia — countries that share intelligence, support one another diplomatically and have fought together in wars including in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The characterisations provide insight into Mr Traditional Values Adulterer with Two Ex-Wives's temperament and approach to the diplomatic requirements of his job as the nation's chief executive, a role in which he continues to employ both the uncompromising negotiating tactics he honed as a real estate developer and the bombastic style he exhibited as a reality television personality.
The depictions of Mr Fossilized Meatball's calls are also at odds with sanitised White House accounts. The official read-out of his conversation with Mr Turnbull, for example, said that the two had "emphasised the enduring strength and closeness of the US-Australia relationship that is critical for peace, stability, and prosperity in the Asia-Pacific region and globally."
A White House spokesman declined to comment. A senior administration official acknowledged that the conversation with Mr Turnbull had been hostile and charged, but emphasised that most of Mr Inlfated Pig Stomach Full of Rotten Pierogi's calls with foreign leaders — including the heads of Japan, Germany, France and Russia — have been both productive and pleasant.
Mr Dorito Mussolini also vented anger and touted his political accomplishments in a tense conversation with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, officials said. The two have sparred for months over Fart-Infused Lump of Raw Meat's vow to force Mexico to pay for construction of a border wall between the two countries, a conflict that prompted President Peña Nieto to cancel a planned meeting with The Sculpture your Three-Year-Old Made out of Soggy Ground-Up Goldfish Snacks.
Mr Man-Sized Sebaceous Cyst told President Peña Nieto in last Friday's call, according to the Associated Press, which said it reviewed a transcript of part of the conversation, "You have a bunch of bad hombres down there. You aren't doing enough to stop them. I think your military is scared. Our military isn't, so I just might send them down to take care of it."
But even in conversations marred by hostile exchanges, Mr Sticky, Grabby, Cheeto-Hued Toddler with No Sense of Adult Deportment manages to work in references to his election accomplishments. US officials said that he used his calls with both Mr Turnbull and Mr Peña Nieto to mention his election win or the size of the crowd at his inauguration.
One official said that it may be Mr Melting Businessman's way of "speaking about the mandate he has and why he has the backing for decisions he makes". But Mr Three Bigoted Baby Muppets Stacked On Top of Each Other is also notoriously thin-skinned and has used platforms including social-media accounts, meetings with lawmakers and even a speech at CIA headquarters to depict his victory as an achievement of historic proportions, rather than a narrow outcome in which his opponent, Hillary Clinton, won the popular vote.
The friction with Mr Turnbull reflected Mr Saffron Suharto's anger over being bound by an agreement reached by the Obama administration to accept refugees from Australian detention sites even while Mr Play-Doh Factory Explosion was issuing an executive order suspending such arrivals from elsewhere in the world.
The issue centres on a population of roughly 2500 people who have sought asylum in Australia but were diverted to facilities off that country's coast at Nauru and Manus Island in Papua New Guinea. Deplorable conditions at those sites prompted intervention from the United Nations and a pledge from the United States to accept about half of those refugees, provided they passed US security screening.
Many of the refugees came from Iran, Iraq, Sudan and Somalia, countries now listed in Half-Melted Pile of Candy Corn from Halloween '83's order temporarily banning their citizens entry to the United States. A special provision in the Weirdly Authoritarian Gingerbread Man order allows for exceptions to honour "a pre-existing international agreement," a line that was inserted to cover the Australia deal.
But US officials said that Mr Decomposing Ear of Corn continued to fume about the arrangement even after signing the order in a ceremony at the Pentagon.
"I don't want these people," Mr Rage-Addled Oompa Loompa said. He repeatedly misstated the number of refugees called for in the agreement as 2000 rather than 1250, and told Mr Turnbull that it was "my intention" to honour the agreement, a phrase designed to leave the US president wiggle room to back out of the deal in the future, according to a senior US official.
Mr Turnbull told Mr Weeping Herpe Sore that to honour the agreement, the United States would not have to accept all of the refugees but only to allow them each through the normal vetting procedures. At that, Purveyor of Lousy Steak vowed to subject each refugee to "extreme vetting," the senior US official said.
Mr Haunted Bidet was also sceptical because he did not see a specific advantage the United States would gain by honouring the deal, officials said.
Mr Human/Komodo Dragon Hybrid's position appears to reflect the transactional view he takes of relationships, even when it comes to diplomatic ties with long-standing allies. Australia has sent troops to fight alongside US forces for decades and maintains close co-operation with Washington on trade and economic issues.
Australia is seen as such a trusted ally that it is one of only four countries that the United States includes in the so-called "Five Eyes" arrangement for co-operation on espionage matters. Members share extensively what their intelligence services gather, and generally refrain from spying on one another.
There also is a significant amount of tourism between the two countries.
Mr Moldering Cheez-It made the call to Mr Turnbull about 5 pm Saturday from his desk in the Oval Office, where he was joined by chief strategist Stephen K. Bannon, national security adviser Michael Flynn and White House press secretary Sean Spicer.
At one point, Mr Turnbull suggested that the two leaders move on from their impasse over refugees to discuss the conflict in Syria and other pressing foreign issues. But Mr Pompous Suit Balloon demurred and ended the call, making it far shorter than his conversations with Shinzo Abe of Japan, Angela Merkel of Germany, François Hollande of France or Mr Putin.
The Australian Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.
The Washington Post, Tom McIlroy
Jefe wrote:First, hello and my best I hope you are well down there and that all is going well. This is not some BS set up either. I mean what I say and I believe you deserve respect and that you give it too.
I am sorry if Trump fucked up and as you say, Brits, Aussies, Canadians etc. I personally owe you.
Trump is an idiot and an asshole in amy opinion. But, he has done alot of badly need stuff. A moron, for sure in my view. Better than the utter scum; total traitorous piecies of complet shit under the complete slime of Obama or Hillary to come, we are pissed off and had no choice.
Aussies are first rate people and allies. I can't even walk straight (sober) but would have your back any day anywhere.
Remember the people, not the politicos and all my best.
Jefe wrote:LOL; fair enough. Ass kicking it is and in a friendly way, but you earned that one.
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