2018 - Year of Liberals

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2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Tue Jul 11, 2017 11:47 pm

It could happen.

2018 - Year of Liberals
A Dystopian Plot

A sexworkers strike has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 2018. Leighton Buzzard is a windswept place ruled by liberals. Once glorious, Starbucks is now glistening.

Slovenly pimp, Reverend Dave Smegg is humanity's only hope. Dave finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Assless Chaps Society of Free Love.

The fight is jeopardised when Dave is tricked by moist hookers mate, Ms Violet Flange, and injures his elbow.

Armed with wooden spoons and suspender belts, The Assless Chaps Society of Free Love try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat snowflakes liberals and restore Starbucks to its former glory?

http://www.plot-generator.org.uk/create.php?type=17
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:01 am

Once you pop you can't stop
http://www.plot-generator.org.uk/movie-script/
Naughty Svizzerams
A Screenplay by Bellend
INT. BLACK FLAG CAFE - AFTERNOON

Hirsute anal bleacher MISS JOHNNY FISHFINGER is arguing with rank maneater MS FRIENDLY SKIES. JOHNNY tries to hug FRIENDLY but he shakes her off.

JOHNNY
Please Friendly, don't leave me.
FRIENDLY
I'm sorry Johnny, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
JOHNNY
I am such a person!
FRIENDLY frowns.

FRIENDLY
I'm sorry, Johnny. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
FRIENDLY leaves.

JOHNNY sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, lush pig inseminator PRIVATE RICK SHAW barges in looking flustered.

JOHNNY
Goodness, Rick! Is everything okay?
RICK
I'm afraid not.
JOHNNY
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
RICK
It's ... a Svizzerams ... I saw an evil Svizzerams shag a bunch of flaggers!
JOHNNY
Defenseless flaggers?
RICK
Yes, defenseless flaggers!
JOHNNY
Bloomin' heck, Rick! We've got to do something.
RICK
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
JOHNNY
You can start by telling me where this happened.
RICK
I was...
RICK fans himself and begins to wheeze.

JOHNNY
Focus Rick, focus! Where did it happen?
RICK
Penta's Grotto! That's right - Penta's Grotto!
JOHNNY springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

JOHNNY rushes along the street, followed by RICK. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


INT. PENTA'S GROTTO - SHORTLY AFTER

JEFF Q a naughty Svizzerams terrorises two flaggers.

JOHNNY, closely followed by RICK, rushes towards JEFF, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

RICK
What is is? What's the matter?
JOHNNY
That's not just any old Svizzerams, that's Jeff Q!
RICK
Who's Jeff Q?
JOHNNY
Who's Jeff Q? Who's Jeff Q? Only the most naughty Svizzerams in the universe!
RICK
Blinkin' knickers, Johnny! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most naughty Svizzerams in the universe!
JOHNNY
You can say that again.
RICK
Blinkin' knickers, Johnny! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most naughty Svizzerams in the universe!
JOHNNY
I'm going to need banhammer, lots of banhammer.
Jeff turns and sees Johnny and Rick. He grins an evil grin.

JEFF
Johnny Fishfinger, we meet again.
RICK
You've met?
JOHNNY
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young JOHNNY is sitting in a park listening to some Razorlight music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees JEFF. She takes off her headphones.

JEFF
Would you like some Toblerone?
JOHNNY's eyes light up, but then he studies JEFF more closely, and looks uneasy.

JOHNNY
I don't know, you look kind of naughty.
JEFF
Me? No. I'm not naughty. I'm the least naughty Svizzerams in the world.
JOHNNY
Wait, you're a Svizzerams?
JOHNNY runs away, screaming.


INT. PENTA'S GROTTO - PRESENT DAY

JEFF
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
RICK
(To JOHNNY) You ran away?
JOHNNY
(To RICK) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
JOHNNY turns to JEFF.

JOHNNY
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
JOHNNY runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

JOHNNY
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with banhammer.
JEFF
I'm not scared of you.
JOHNNY
You should be.

EXT. COLDHARVEST'S CABIN - LATER THAT DAY

JOHNNY and RICK walk around searching for something.

JOHNNY
I feel sure I left my banhammer somewhere around here.
RICK
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly banhammer.
JOHNNY
You know nothing Rick Shaw.
RICK
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, JEFF appears, holding a pair of banhammer.

JEFF
Looking for something?
RICK
Crikey, Johnny, he's got your banhammer.
JOHNNY
Tell me something I don't already know!
RICK
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
JOHNNY
I know that already!
RICK
I slept with the whole BFC.
JEFF
(appalled) Dude!
While JEFF is looking at RICK with disgust, JOHNNY lunges forward and grabs her deadly banhammer. He wields them, triumphantly.

JOHNNY
Prepare to die, you naughty onion!
JEFF
No please! All I did was shag a bunch of flaggers!
FRIENDLY enters, unseen by any of the others.

JOHNNY
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those flaggers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Johnny Fishfinger defender of innocent flaggers.
JEFF
Don't hurt me! Please!
JOHNNY
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these banhammer on you right away!
JEFF
Because Johnny, I am your father.
JOHNNY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

JOHNNY
No you're not!
JEFF
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
JEFF tries to grab the banhammer but JOHNNY dodges out of the way.

JOHNNY
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, JEFF slumps to the ground.

RICK
Did he just faint?
JOHNNY
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly banhammer.
JOHNNY crouches over JEFF's body.

RICK
Be careful, Johnny. It could be a trick.
JOHNNY
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Jeff Q is dead!
JOHNNY
What?
JOHNNY
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
RICK claps his hands.

RICK
So your banhammer did save the day, after all.
FRIENDLY steps forward.

FRIENDLY
Is it true? Did you kill the naughty Svizzerams?
JOHNNY
Friendly how long have you been...?
FRIENDLY puts his arm around JOHNNY.

FRIENDLY
Long enough.
JOHNNY
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Jeff Q.
FRIENDLY
Then the flaggers are safe?
JOHNNY
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable flaggers enter, looking relived.

FRIENDLY
You are their hero.
The flaggers bow to JOHNNY.

JOHNNY
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Jeff Q will never shag flaggers ever again, is enough for me.
FRIENDLY
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the flaggers passes JOHNNY a ghey avatar

FRIENDLY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
JOHNNY
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.

JOHNNY
Well, if you insist.
JOHNNY takes the avatar.

JOHNNY
Thank you.
The flaggers bow their heads once more, and leave.

JOHNNY turns to FRIENDLY.

JOHNNY
Does this mean you want me back?
FRIENDLY
Oh, Johnny, of course I want you back!
JOHNNY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

JOHNNY
Well you can't have me.
FRIENDLY
WHAT?
JOHNNY
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Svizzerams to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
FRIENDLY
But...
JOHNNY
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Rick.
RICK grins.

FRIENDLY
But...
RICK
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
FRIENDLY
Johnny?
JOHNNY
I'm sorry Friendly, but I think you should skidaddle.
FRIENDLY leaves.

RICK turns to JOHNNY.

RICK
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
JOHNNY
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly RICK stops.

RICK
When I said I slept with the whole BFC, you know I was just trying to distract the Svizzerams don't you?
THE END
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby rickshaw92 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:15 am

Dude that was awesome.
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:25 am

It gets better
http://www.plot-generator.org.uk/story/

Two Gamine Uncles Trolling to the Beat (Best title ever, if ever they make a film of BFC, this should be its title).
A Short Story
by Bellend
Seeks Travelinfo looked at the phallic thumb cuffs in his hands and felt morose.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his sticky surroundings. He had always loved slippery Pelton's outside toilet with its screeching, short swarms of flies. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel morose.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of ROB Snaark. ROB was an obsessive clown with feral buttocks and lumbering jowls.

Seeks gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a dishonest, smarmy, neat gin drinker with knock kneed buttocks and cross-eyed jowls. His friends saw him as a naughty, new nymphomaniac. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for an attractive Kurt.

But not even a dishonest person who had once made a cup of tea for an attractive Kurt, was prepared for what ROB had in store today.

The sleet rained like boring kangaroos, making Seeks spent.

As Seeks stepped outside and ROB came closer, he could see the puzzled smile on her face.

ROB glared with all the wrath of 2535 raunchy tame tapeworms. She said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want a blow job."

Seeks looked back, even more spent and still fingering the phallic thumb cuffs. "ROB, come here you crazy shemale," he replied.

They looked at each other with wheedling feelings, like two fast, flipping fleas five finger knuckle shuffling at a very smug BFC meet up, which had Cheeky Girls music playing in the background and two gamine uncles trolling to the beat.

Suddenly, ROB lunged forward and tried to punch Seeks in the face. Quickly, Seeks grabbed the phallic thumb cuffs and brought it down on ROB's skull.

ROB's feral buttocks trembled and her lumbering jowls wobbled. She looked horny, her emotions raw like a lazy, light leg spreader.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later ROB Snaark was dead.

Seeks Travelinfo went back inside and made himself a nice drink of neat gin.

THE END
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby seektravelinfo » Wed Jul 12, 2017 3:12 am

Lucious, take a bow.
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:24 pm

No time for bows

The Shaped Like Kurts Domehead Penta's Wine
A Mystery
by Bellend

The cliquey, circle jerk town of BFC holds a secret.

Fansy Nonce has the perfect life working as a Moderator in the city and shagging with his creepy boyfriend, Victoria Winsome.

However, when he finds a shaped like Kurts domehead Penta's wine in his cellar, he begins to realise that things are not quite as they seem in the Nonce family.

A BFC meet up leaves Fansy with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to peanut gallery BFC to find some answers.

At first the people of BFC are whiny and banhappy. He is intrigued by the curiously marxist Troller, Jaeger Meister. However, after he introduces him to hard the BFC, Fansy slowly finds himself drawn into a web of lust, liberals and perhaps, even spying.

Can Fansy resist the charms of Jaeger Meister and uncover the secret of the shaped like Kurts domehead Penta's wine before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another BFC legend?
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:32 pm

The Curse of the Bumfluffy Sweaty Sock
A Horror Story
by Bellend

Whilst investigating the death of a local condom tester, a nobhead frothblower called Mike The Hack uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, bumfluffy sweaty sock circulating throughout el3so's secret dungeon. As soon as anyone uses the sweaty sock, he or she has exactly 369 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look Penta-like. A marked person feels like a flakey limpet to touch.

Mike gets hold of the sweaty sock, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: an uppity bedbug balancing on an anal condom tester, an old newspaper headline about a drinking accident, a hooded badger ranting about pubes and a drinking well located in the inside of Ultra Swines jockey shorts place.

When Mike notices his nipples have limpet-like properties, he realises that the curse of the bumfluffy sweaty sock is true and calls in his lovechild, a fluffer called Illman Mach, to help.

Illman examines the sweaty sock and willingly submits himself to the curse. He finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. He finds the uppity bedbug balancing on an anal condom tester particularly chilling. He joins the queue for a supernatural death.

Mike and Illman pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded badger. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:39 pm

http://www.song-lyrics-generator.org.uk/create.php?song=5

What Do You Want To Be Robert Young Pelton?
By BFC Housewives Forum Killers
In the style of The Village People


Where can you find pleasure?
Search the world for treasure?
Where can you ban all men?
Make your dreams all come true?
Where can you write a secret thesis?

In BFC!
Yes, you can ban all men!
In BFC!
Yes, you can write a secret thesis!
In BFC!
Come on now Robert Young Pelton, make a stand.
In BFC!

Robert Young Pelton, ban all men.
I said, Robert Young Pelton, write a secret thesis.

It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.
It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.

They have clunge-rinser,
You can ban all men.

It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.
It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.

They have Ultra Swine's favourite vibrator,
You can write a secret thesis.

Robert Young Pelton, are you listening to me?
I said, Robert Young Pelton, what do you want to be?
I said, Robert Young Pelton, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing:

You screwed the pooch.

And...

It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.
It's snowflakey to troll in BFC.
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:44 pm

When Your Life is Full of Misogynist Soldiers and People Who Work In Dangerous Places
By Bellend
in the style of REM

Contractors suck and mercenaries suck.
The world is out to get you.
You want to post heartwarming meaningless schmaltz,
But your life is full of soldiers and people who work in dangerous places.

You wonder when will it end.
You want Svizzerams,
You want Friendlyskies,
But all you see is Flipflop.
Oh Flipflop.
Oh contractors and mercenaries, they'll pull you under,
Drain your life of no one to challenge my preconceived opinion and wonder.

Contractors suck and mercenaries suck.
The world is out to get you.
You want to post heartwarming meaningless schmaltz,
But your life is full of soldiers and people who work in dangerous places.

You really want the world to end,
Goodbye Svizzerams,
Goodbye Friendlyskies,
And good riddance to Flipflop.
Oh Flipflop.
Oh contractors, mercenaries, will pull you under,
Drain your life of no one to challenge my preconceived opinion and wonder.

Contractors suck and mercenaries suck.
The world is out to get you.
You want to post heartwarming meaningless schmaltz,
But your life is full of soldiers and people who work in dangerous places.

Your life doesn't have to end.
Sing with Svizzerams,
Dance with Friendlyskies,
And put a curse on Flipflop.
Oh Flipflop.
Your life is misogynist,
But get out and post heartwarming meaningless schmaltz.

You want the greatest thing
The greatest thing since you got moderator status.
You've got it all, you've got it sized.
If you are confused check with the BFC.
Carry one of RYP's little knives to help you along.

Get out and post heartwarming meaningless schmaltz.
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:52 pm

A BFC State of Mind (The Marie Angeliques Bodystocking Hip Hop)
By Bellend
A Rap

Yeah, yeah
Ayo, Bobby Sands, it's time.
It's time, Bobby Sands (aight, Bobby Sands, begin).
Straight out the ghey dungeons of rap.

The thesis drops deep as does my wine.
I never troll, 'cause to troll is the dad of line.
Beyond the walls of axehandles, life is defined.
I think of Penta when I'm in a BFC state of mind.

Hope the design got some sign.
My pine don't like no dirty line.
Run up to the fein and get the divine.

In a BFC state of mind.
What more could you ask for? The cliquey thesis?
You complain about Penta's ban.
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the prosthesis.

I'm rappin' to the account,
And I'm gonna move your amount.

Liberal, intolerant, half dead, like a hen
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a den.

I can't take the Penta's ban, can't take the levis.
I woulda tried to post cat pictures I guess I got no rise.

I'm rappin' to the amount,
And I'm gonna move your account.

Yea, yaz, in a BFC state of mind.

When I was young my dad had an enterprise.
I waz kicked out without no mize.
I never thought I'd see that rise.
Ain't a soul alive that could take my dad's demise.

A banhappy edger is quite the leger.

Thinking of Penta. Yaz, thinking of Penta (Penta).
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby snaark » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:04 pm

Is this what you've been doing all this time?
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:49 pm

Is that how slow you work?
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more of a cellar than a dungeon really

Postby el3so » Wed Jul 12, 2017 8:00 pm

nowonmai wrote: a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, bumfluffy sweaty sock
FWIW that would of course be a regular, adult-sized sock.

And those stains are molten chocolate.
Endut! Hoch hech!
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby goat balls » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:44 am

What happened to Mt. Fujimoto or mount whatever it was?
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Re: 2018 - Year of Liberals

Postby nowonmai » Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:07 am

This stuff just writes itself
http://www.plot-generator.org.uk/story-ideas/

Mount Fujimori's Diary
A Crime Novel
by Bellend

What would you do if you knew there were sneaky flaggers with shocking habits near the ones you love?

The night of the thesis changes everything for Mount Fujimori, a 103-year-old editor from BFC meetup.

One moment, she is discussing banhammers with her clueless vamp, Academic Infiltration; the next, watching with horror as sneaky flaggers troll each other.

She knows these flaggers came from Wine Cellar but she can't prove it - at least not without some cliquey internet communities.

The seductive, vapid woman knows that her mysterious life is over. She acquires some cliquey internet communities and is reborn as the hero who will save the world from sneaky flaggers.

However, the end of the world approaches, and time is running out for Mount. She is left with two options: stop the sneaky flaggers in one hour, or allow the world to end in a ball of fire.

Praise for Mount Fujimori's Diary

"Never have there been more chilling villains than sneaky flaggers that troll each other."
- The Daily Tale

"Are we seriously supposed to find a seductive and vapid academic from BFC meetup heroic?"
- Enid Kibbler
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