Geetings from Lagos

The Black Flag Cafe is the place travelers come to share stories and advice. Moderated by Robert Young Pelton the author of The World's Most Dangerous Places.

Moderator: coldharvest

Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:06 am

While driving to my brother in laws place we passed a dude pouring water out of a tea kettle on his dick.

He was concealing his dick though but I could see it, so I said "Is this the cock washing district?"

I was then told he was a poor man preparing for prayer and then I felt stupid.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Fri Dec 27, 2019 9:05 am

Now I am ill. Seems to be a pollution induced chest cold.

We went to Asaba and had to hire armed guards to go with us on a tour of Chinese construction projects on the Niger river. Every little trip is a mini adventure that wears you down after a bit. I do not have the stamina I did for running around chaotic places like I used to but it is good to get back in the game.

This place could be rich if only oil money was actually used for infrastructure instead of being stolen by various ministers in charge of the infrastructure. I have never met so many people horrified at the endemic corruption while at the same time being unable to do anything about it. A Governor who steals will do well but a Governor who uses oil money to actually spend on projects will be murdered or arrested because the powers that be do not want an example set that would eventually lead to their arrest or at least remove the main source of income in their lives.

There is a big discussion about a minister who was caught red handed stealing and when pressed on the location of the money he said "A snake ate it" then it became that his opponents cast spells and caused the snake to eat it. Soon he was attempting to get his critics arrested for stealing the money he stole via enchanted snake.

This is a similar story but there is a more recent one

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-43030827

Trump will learn a thing or two about deflection. The real sign of a 'shithole" is when you report a rime and you get arrested for committing the crime you reported because how else would you know if it unless you were the thiief?
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby SRR » Thu Jan 02, 2020 1:36 pm

Glad to see you're oot and aboot Kurt, Nigeria's fun no doubt. Though I do remember the beer kind of sucked.
I'm chilling in Montserrat today, will be praying to the volcano to behave. Otherwise everyone is too friendly and welcoming to classify this as a "dangerous place".
"May these times be the stone that sharpens our steel." - السيد الحصاد
User avatar
SRR
Hippie Dangerous
 
Posts: 4364
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:07 pm

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby ROB » Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:44 pm

Yeah, like you're unable to tell the dick washing district from the poor prayer district.
User avatar
ROB
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 5373
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:49 am

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby 2 Charlie » Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:53 pm

Was asked to do a job in Lagos recently, did my homework on the backer and politely said I was unavailable..

Hope everyone is well. Kurt, keep your head on a swivel.
"You can do it fast...you can do it cheap...you can do it right.....But you only get to pick two."

My head is a dangerous neighborhood for me to be alone in...
User avatar
2 Charlie
Snortus Guinness
 
Posts: 1180
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:20 pm
Location: Raskols Paradise

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Sun Jan 05, 2020 9:08 pm

2 Charlie wrote:Was asked to do a job in Lagos recently, did my homework on the backer and politely said I was unavailable..

Hope everyone is well. Kurt, keep your head on a swivel.


It is like a dirty shopping mall.

However if I was at the point in my life where I had energy to go to clubs and see new African Music I think Lagos would be the place for sure...however that time is long past.

It took me 3 days of IV antibiotics to be able to get on the plane home.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby RYP » Tue Jan 07, 2020 11:22 pm

Isn't there some cottage dick washing business you can start up here. Like Kurt's Dick 'n Balls. A Clean Dick is a Happy Dick. You could buy a bunch of used golf ball washers and put them on the corner. Pay Dick Cheney to use his photo.
User avatar
RYP
Ownerus Websiteus Authorus
 
Posts: 27757
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:42 am

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Wed Jan 08, 2020 12:46 pm

RYP wrote:Isn't there some cottage dick washing business you can start up here. Like Kurt's Dick 'n Balls. A Clean Dick is a Happy Dick. You could buy a bunch of used golf ball washers and put them on the corner. Pay Dick Cheney to use his photo.


I would not want to take away from the local cock washing economy.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Ozymandias » Thu Jan 09, 2020 2:10 pm

Kurt wrote:Now I am ill. Seems to be a pollution induced chest cold.

We went to Asaba and had to hire armed guards to go with us on a tour of Chinese construction projects on the Niger river. Every little trip is a mini adventure that wears you down after a bit. I do not have the stamina I did for running around chaotic places like I used to but it is good to get back in the game.

This place could be rich if only oil money was actually used for infrastructure instead of being stolen by various ministers in charge of the infrastructure. I have never met so many people horrified at the endemic corruption while at the same time being unable to do anything about it. A Governor who steals will do well but a Governor who uses oil money to actually spend on projects will be murdered or arrested because the powers that be do not want an example set that would eventually lead to their arrest or at least remove the main source of income in their lives.

There is a big discussion about a minister who was caught red handed stealing and when pressed on the location of the money he said "A snake ate it" then it became that his opponents cast spells and caused the snake to eat it. Soon he was attempting to get his critics arrested for stealing the money he stole via enchanted snake.

This is a similar story but there is a more recent one

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-43030827

Trump will learn a thing or two about deflection. The real sign of a 'shithole" is when you report a rime and you get arrested for committing the crime you reported because how else would you know if it unless you were the thiief?


Yes, Nigeria is a really sad case when it comes to endemic corruption. The amount of oil they've been pumping for the past 70 years, they could have Western European levels of infrastructure by now. Instead, we get people like Senator Dino Melaye flashing the cash on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dinomelaye/
User avatar
Ozymandias
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:07 pm
Location: Tunis, Tunisia

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Ozymandias » Thu Jan 09, 2020 2:11 pm

SRR wrote:Glad to see you're oot and aboot Kurt, Nigeria's fun no doubt. Though I do remember the beer kind of sucked.
I'm chilling in Montserrat today, will be praying to the volcano to behave. Otherwise everyone is too friendly and welcoming to classify this as a "dangerous place".


Chilling in Montserrat? Tell me more!
User avatar
Ozymandias
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:07 pm
Location: Tunis, Tunisia

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Darcy » Wed Feb 05, 2020 10:26 pm

Kurt wrote:It is like a dirty shopping mall.

However if I was at the point in my life where I had energy to go to clubs and see new African Music I think Lagos would be the place for sure...however that time is long past.


Some great blues coming out of Mali these days. And Ebo Taylor (Ghana) is old but so darn funky.

My memories of Lagos are having to be rude to not get rolled.
User avatar
Darcy
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 199
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 3:03 pm
Location: Tropical Paradise

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Fri Feb 07, 2020 1:55 pm

Darcy wrote:
Kurt wrote:It is like a dirty shopping mall.

However if I was at the point in my life where I had energy to go to clubs and see new African Music I think Lagos would be the place for sure...however that time is long past.


Some great blues coming out of Mali these days. And Ebo Taylor (Ghana) is old but so darn funky.

My memories of Lagos are having to be rude to not get rolled.


My wife was quite proud of me to avoid getting shaken down at the airport by just being difficult (they claimed my Yellow Fever Vaccine was too recent). But, the biggest crims I met were this couple who ran an investment scheme. Banks are very secure so if you gotta get together and chat with someone go to a bank. My brother in law and I were sitting at a table in the meeting area and a nice couple came by and started asking questions to my BIL since he was holding a stack of Naira for doing what he needed for the week (buying fuel, paying his household help etc.) They kept on going on and on about how it was a shame that Nigerians no longer trusted other Nigerians since they had excellent investment opportunities. He was very frank with them in saying that he trusted no one, and he especially did not trust them.

Of course I am fascinated by scammers so when I asked who their main clients were ...after a number of times asking the same question in a different way, they revealed that they invested money from Online Businessmen...a few more prods revealed they handled the investments for 419 scammers and romance scammers. So the scammers invested money in Ponzi schemes offering a chance to both launder and increase their money.

I concluded it would take very little effort and a few extra Knew Your Customer steps to actually get a European or North American bank to seize the stolen assets, but a Ponzi scheme victim or romance scam victims family would have to pay me quite a bit in advance to get me to go back there. I calculated about $16k starting to do it right but still with no guarentees.

Malian blues sounds awesome.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby RYP » Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:50 am

Monserat has Air Studios. Are George Martins' tapes still laying around?
User avatar
RYP
Ownerus Websiteus Authorus
 
Posts: 27757
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:42 am

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby rickshaw92 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:18 am

How is Lagos for an independent traveller like me?
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
User avatar
rickshaw92
Pikey Bastard
 
Posts: 9007
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:28 am
Location: Airport Inn trailer park

Re: Geetings from Lagos

Postby Kurt » Fri Apr 17, 2020 1:04 pm

rickshaw92 wrote:How is Lagos for an independent traveller like me?


HAHAHHAHAHA.

"like you" ..YOU would do fine with it but really, not much to do there unless you like nightlife, have a driver and have lots of cash. Hanging out at the Hard Rock Cafe is somewhat interesting. Funny thing about Hard Rock Cafes, if you hang out in one lets say in Denver or Chicago that means you are boring and unimaginative. When you hang out at Hard Rock Cafe in Lagos that means you are doing the sensible thing and get to see Nigerian Hip Hop stars make videos, get to see plump western contractors eat ice cream and drink whisky and it is also where white foriegners can take their extended Nigerian family out to eat and not have to worry about getting robbed or having a a generator shit itself in the middle of a meal.

If I were there I would hang out and try to star as a white villain or white romantic interest in a Nollywood direct to DVD film. But I was recovering from whatever the fuck it was I caught in Cairo and my family views being in a Nollywood film as something of a shameful profession.
User avatar
Kurt
In Manus Manus
 
Posts: 20022
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:29 am
Location: New York City

Next

Return to Black Flag Cafe

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot] and 1 guest

cron