Call the Foreign Office. I've lost my false teeth

The Black Flag Cafe is the place travelers come to share stories and advice. Moderated by Robert Young Pelton the author of The World's Most Dangerous Places.

Moderator: coldharvest

Call the Foreign Office. I've lost my false teeth

Postby Mikethehack » Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:37 am

William Hague despairs at British nationals wasting embassy officials' time with ludicrous requests
Press Association

Britons are wasting embassy time with "ludicrous" inquiries about lost false teeth, runny jam and plastic surgery problems, William Hague has said.

The foreign secretary urged expats and tourists not to stretch scarce consular resources by making "bizarre demands".

Among other calls logged by overseas Foreign Office staff are requests for help erecting a chicken coop, advice on where to have Christmas lunch in Spain and a plea for assistance translating "I love you" into Hungarian.

Hague said: "It is not our job, for example, to book you restaurants while you are on holiday. This is obvious, you may think. But nonetheless it came as a surprise to the caller in Spain who was having difficulty finding somewhere to have Christmas lunch.If, like a man in Florida last year, you find ants in your holiday rental, we are not the people to ask for pest control advice. If you are having difficulty erecting a new chicken coop in your garden in Greece as someone else was, I am afraid that we cannot help you.Equally, I have to say that we are not the people to turn to if you can't find your false teeth, if your satnav is broken and you need directions, if you are unhappy with your plastic surgery, if your jam won't set, if you are looking for a dog-minder while you are on holiday, if your livestock need checking on, if you would like advice about the weather, or if you want someone to throw a coin into the Trevi fountain for you because you forgot while you were on holiday and you want your marriage to succeed.

And our commitment to good relations with our neighbours does not, I am afraid, extend to translating 'I love you' into Hungarian, as we were asked to do by one love-struck British tourist. There are easier ways to find a translation."

In the speech on strengthening Britain's consular diplomacy, Hague said Britons make more than 55 million individual trips overseas every year and around six million live abroad for some of or all of the time.

One in 10 murders of Britons in the last two years took place overseas and approximately 6,000 nationals are arrested every year. Hague said the figures showed the "immense demand" for the service.

He added: "We ask British nationals to be responsible, to be self-reliant and to take sensible precautions."
I'm not really a proper reporter, due to the chronic lack of discipline, negligible attention span, and a certain juvenile difficulty taking serious things seriously.
Andrew Mueller.
User avatar
Mikethehack
Pimpmasterus Generalismus
 
Posts: 8405
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 6:34 pm
Location: The Irish colonies

Re: Call the Foreign Office. I've lost my false teeth

Postby nowonmai » Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:32 pm

Yeah but what else do those cunts do that's so important? Guarantee that those "stretched" consular resources in Spain, Hungary et al spend an awful lot of time on the piss or on the beach. Most of them are fucking multiple locals in my experience.
User avatar
nowonmai
BFCus Regularus
 
Posts: 11542
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:52 pm

Re: Call the Foreign Office. I've lost my false teeth

Postby rickshaw92 » Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:39 pm

Hague said: "It is not our job, for example, to book you restaurants while you are on holiday. This is obvious, you may think. But nonetheless it came as a surprise to the caller in Spain who was having difficulty finding somewhere to have Christmas lunch.If, like a man in Florida last year, you find ants in your holiday rental, we are not the people to ask for pest control advice. If you are having difficulty erecting a new chicken coop in your garden in Greece as someone else was, I am afraid that we cannot help you.Equally, I have to say that we are not the people to turn to if you can't find your false teeth, if your satnav is broken and you need directions, if you are unhappy with your plastic surgery, if your jam won't set, if you are looking for a dog-minder while you are on holiday, if your livestock need checking on, if you would like advice about the weather, or if you want someone to throw a coin into the Trevi fountain for you because you forgot while you were on holiday and you want your marriage to succeed.



Fuckin overpaid jobsworths.
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
User avatar
rickshaw92
Pikey Bastard
 
Posts: 9165
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:28 am
Location: Airport Inn trailer park

Re: Call the Foreign Office. I've lost my false teeth

Postby flipflop » Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:30 pm

nowonmai wrote:Yeah but what else do those cunts do that's so important?


Fucking hell, where does one start? I can only speak for the hooray henrys in Kabul, but drinking, looking windswept, changing one's knickers in the back of the car when one is flitting from 'serious' Afghan Gov agency to getting knobbed at some expat party house. Drinking. Gettin pregnant off a local jingly. Drinking. Ok, yah?

They are very good at being all-round cunts in general. It's a rule of thumb that the lower you are in the FCO food chain, the more of a jumped up little cunt you become whilst "in country". The higher ups have a bit more decorum, and are nicer/more cooperative with The Help. It's probably down to being a no-mark bean counter in London one day, then lording it over the locals and having two big hairy-arsed security blokes and their big car at your every beck and call the next. It goes straight to their heads.

Of course some of the blokes got their own back by smashing a few of these posh totties for themselves

Cheers
Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country - Bertrand Russell
User avatar
flipflop
Cuntus Maximus
 
Posts: 8382
Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2004 11:11 am
Location: Arse Full Of Chips


Return to Black Flag Cafe

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 22 guests