Where are you Mr. Fawkes

[coldharvest]

Welcome to a special Guy Fawkes edition of Mind How You Go. Over the years, this column has documented the myriad ways the authorities have found to ruin our Fifth of November celebrations.
On the orders of elf’n’safety, residents of ­Ilfracombe, in Devon, were forced to watch a virtual bonfire on a big screen.
Heaters were arranged strategically around the field to give the sensation of the warmth of a real fire and loudspeakers played the sound of wood crackling.
In Slough, uniformed officers confiscated sparklers from five-year-old children, even though they were being supervised by their parents.
And in Watford, bonfires were banned ­altogether on the grounds that they ­contravened the council’s ‘key objectives of having a smoke-free town’.
It was only a matter of time before the polar bear huggers got in on the act. This year, the Environment Agency has set up a special ­telephone nark line so that people can report their neighbours for burning anything other than vegetation, clean wood, leaves, paper and card.
Clean wood? Are we supposed to wash all firewood before building our bonfires?
The agency says only ‘environmentally friendly’ material should be burned. People must not use the occasion to dispose of waste which could be recycled, otherwise they could face fines of up to £50,000 and six months in jail.
In Chislehurst, Kent, Mark Sanderson has already found himself behind bars for an alleged fireworks offence. Last week he bought a box of fireworks for a party but couldn’t wait until tonight to light up the sky.

By his own admission, he’s a ‘big kid’ and couldn’t resist setting off a couple in his back garden as soon as he got them home.
He thought nothing more of it until, three or four days later, a police car drew up at his house late on Saturday afternoon as he was raking the leaves in the front garden of his detached house.
A sergeant and a constable got out and told him they were investigating a complaint that he had been letting off fireworks after 11pm.
Mark thought it was a joke. He can’t even remember what day his ‘crime’ is alleged to have taken place, but is ­certain it was no later than 9.30pm.
‘They said it was a criminal offence to light fireworks after 11pm, except on Bonfire Night, New Year’s Eve and the Chinese New Year,’ Mark said.
Even though he denied the charge, he had to follow them to Bromley South police ­station, where he was arrested, photographed, fingerprinted, had his DNA taken, was put in a cell and interviewed under caution.
At no stage was he presented with any hard evidence against him. The police would not tell him the name of the person who had complained and could not produce any of the burned-out fireworks.
After four hours, he was told that he could pay a fixed penalty fine of £80 within 21 days or he would be taken to court.
Since he is adamant that he is not guilty, Mark has hired a solicitor and plans to have his day in court.
‘I still can’t believe it’s happening,’ he said. ‘I did let off two or three fireworks but it was in my own ­garden and it certainly wasn’t after 11 o’clock.
‘I joked to the desk sergeant that they’d really got a big-time villain this time and he laughed. I think he wondered what I was doing there, too. It’s as if they’d set out to ruin my Saturday night. You’d think they’d have better things to do.’
Mark, a 39-year-old father of two teenage girls, runs his own pest ­control company and has contracts with Lewisham and Southwark councils. ‘I drive round the estates all day and there are kids setting off bangers all over the place, all day long.’
While he can see the funny side, he’s still seething. ‘Talk about heavy-handed and over the top.’
Precisely.
Mark Sanderson says he has never been in trouble wih the police before but has been involved in a boundary dispute with a neighbour, who has made ­complaints to the council.
Admittedly, fireworks exploding long into the night are a damn ­nuisance.
But why is setting off a Catherine Wheel after 11pm a ­criminal offence and not one for the noise abatement squad?
Why the hell are the police ­arresting someone for a piffling ‘crime’ ­without any real proof? Why did the station sergeant book him in, rather than tell his colleagues to grow up and send Mark home with an apology?
Why was he banged up in a cell and held for four hours? Was the overtime clock running? Quite apart from the embarrassment of being questioned by police in the street outside his own home and then being treated like a hardened ­criminal when he got to the nick, Mark now faces a legal bill running into hundreds of pounds to defend himself.
Does the senior officer responsible for Bromley believe this is a valid use of police time and resources?
The police have confirmed the arrest under the Fireworks ­Regulation Act 2004. They also say Mr Sanderson was suspected of ­dangerous driving but no further action was taken.
I know that when proper coppers, both retired and serving, read this column they will throw their heads in their hands in despair. Is it any wonder so many law-abiding, decent people have lost all confidence in the police?
But, sadly, this is what we have come to expect. We now live in a nasty little country, where the ­government sets up a telephone hotline to encourage people to rat on their neighbours for burning the ‘wrong’ kind of material on Bonfire Night, and the Old Bill go out of their way to arrest a middle-class father-of-two for setting off a couple of fireworks in his own back garden.
At the very least, the officers involved need a Roman Candle up their backsides and Mark Sanderson would be forgiven for burning an effigy of PC Plod on his bonfire this weekend.
Where’s Guy Fawkes when you need him?


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[el3so]

Virtual fire is the epitome of faggotry. I wonder how much tax money was wasted on it.

[Dabbi]

Great that the guy chose to defend himself even if would be so easy to just pay the fine.