The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

The Black Flag Cafe is the place travelers come to share stories and advice. Moderated by Robert Young Pelton the author of The World's Most Dangerous Places.

Moderator: coldharvest

The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby DrakeS » Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:14 am

The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"
June 23, 2010


www.LondonChoice.com
Hell on earth ... London's Gatwick Airport.

Hell on earth ... London's Gatwick Airport. Illustration: Reuters

Travellers have long been united by their shared love of telling grandiose stories of their own hardships.

It comes, I think, from the shared knowledge that not everything you encounter on the road is going to be postcard perfect, and that nice stories are boring. And, I supposed, from a shameless need to outdo each other.

There are whole websites dedicated to this phenomenon. I was trawling the interwebs the other day and came across the Titanic Awards, a website dedicated to finding the worst travel experiences out there, and rewarding them justly.

The website’s editors also seek out travel writers to give their own special “Worst Awards”, which I thought sounded like fun, so I shamelessly ripped off the idea and have come up with my own.

Worst airport
There are plenty out there that you expect to be rubbish, and they are: La Paz, Addis Ababa and Phnom Penh to name a few. But my award goes to one that should be good, but is anything but: London Gatwick. It’s hell, plain and simple. Religious types don’t have to bother dreaming up some fanciful interpretation of an afterlife for the damned – it’s a four-hour layover at Gatwick, with an EasyJet check-in.

Worst inflight meal
US Air, circa 1997. Lukewarm mini pizza and a small packet of M&Ms. Defibrillator not included.

Worst bus trip
Dhaka to Chittagong is somewhere between five and eight hours of abject terror. Pull the blinds, stick some music on, read a book, huff some Valium, wrap a jumper around your head ... Do whatever you have to, but Don’t. Look. Out. The Window. Honourable mention to any bus ride in Vietnam that involves a hill climb.

Worst toilet
Things may have changed by now, but last time I rode a train in Vietnam, the toilet was a simple hole cut into the metal floor of the carriage. The combination of a small hole and a violently shaking train doesn’t make for a pleasant bathroom experience.

Worst traffic
Cairo, a million times over. Mark Webber would come unstuck in seconds on a Cairo street, and yet the cab drivers manage to happily whip around there all day, giving other cars the odd nudge if needed, all the while giving you their sales patter on their friend who can take you around the pyramids on a camel for a good price. Baksheesh?

Worst tourists
Anyone travelling in a large group of their brethren – whether they be Russians, Indians, Americans or Australians. Just because you’ve got a supporting cast, doesn’t give you the right to act like an idiot.

Worst travel-writing cliché
“Impossibly blue skies.” And I think I might have even used it before. Is it really impossible? No. Honourable mention goes to “endless blue sky”. See that horizon over there? That’s the end.

Worst meal I’ve knowingly ordered
A haggis supper in Edinburgh. The time was 3am. The state was highly intoxicated. I believed that the best way to honour this fantastic culture would be to roll up to a chippy and order their dodgiest dish, deep-fried with gravy. By the next morning, I was fairly certain I was wrong.

Worst hostel
Millhouse in Buenos Aires, purely for the fact that it was a brutal slap in the face to my notion that I could still hold my own with hard-partying 19-year-old backpackers. Everyone there is young, drunk, high and looking for someone else displaying all those traits to copulate with. In the nearest dorm. Could you kids keep it down, I’m trying to sleep ...

Worst national monument
Manneken-pis, Belgium. OK, maybe it’s not the national monument, but come on ... Oh look, it’s a boy having a wee, and, um ... right, let’s go to the pub.

What are your personal “worst awards”? And feel free to create your own categories ...

My travel memoir, Five Ways to Carry a Goat, is in bookstores now – it’s the tale of my travels staying with you, the kindly readers of this blog. For more information, or to check out photos from the trip, head to my website. Otherwise, send topic suggestions/personal abuse to bengroundwater@gmail.com.

Follow Traveller on Twitter.
nice choice of words Kurt. "damn shame" My arent we eloquent. Just wait till someone has a few "choice words " for you, too. Uhhh duhhh...hmmmmh
DrakeS
mach
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:39 am

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby rickshaw92 » Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:40 am

Ever been anywhere mach? Wait, no you have not cos you are a useless glue huffing Indian.
At least you can speak English, I would hate to see how bad this forum would look if you were allowed to spout off in the monkey speak of your ancesters. Score 1 point for resedental schools for you injuns.
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
User avatar
rickshaw92
Pikey Bastard
 
Posts: 9165
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:28 am
Location: Airport Inn trailer park

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby SRR » Mon Jul 05, 2010 4:42 pm

"May these times be the stone that sharpens our steel." - السيد الحصاد
User avatar
SRR
Hippie Dangerous
 
Posts: 4398
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 3:07 pm

Postby el3so » Tue Jul 06, 2010 3:33 pm

Thanks for the link SRR, too bad they ain't hiring across the Atlantic.
skynet prompt: witty line, a bit offensive, medium levels of spelling error, Rastafy by 10 % or so
User avatar
el3so
Creepy Uncle
 
Posts: 8900
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:25 am
Location: never-ending labyrinth of pain

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby DrakeS » Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:49 am

You guys dont understand I get it. The whole list of places here in this thread are placed to actively avoid. Not run to like a mothers arms loving full. You might want to make sure youre not running out of cliches here though eh?

Thats the 2nd bad rap I have heard hostels in Argentina get.
DrakeS
mach
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:39 am

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby coldharvest » Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:33 am

DrakeS wrote:Thats the 2nd bad rap I have heard hostels in Argentina get.

...read you mean, you non-travelling BFC Village Idiot.
I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
User avatar
coldharvest
Abdul Rahman
 
Posts: 25677
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:36 am
Location: Island of Misfit Toys

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby DrakeS » Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:55 am

How to prove you're a hardcore traveller
July 7, 2010

Comments 88

Ads by Google
Volunteer Abroad

Work side-by-side with local people 12 countries, 1-12 wks, year-round.

http://www.CrossCulturalSolutions.org
Thongs are for showering ... if you're a hardcore traveller, you'll have sandals.
Image
Thongs are for showering ... if you're a hardcore traveller, you'll have sandals. Photo: Corey Wise/Lonely Planet

Freedom. It’s one of the big reasons many people travel. Freedom to go anywhere, do anything, be whatever you want to be.

And yet, with all this freedom, long-term travellers all seem to end up looking exactly the same after a while. Doesn’t matter where you’re from, there are certain clothing staples that all travellers feel the need to display.

So for those of you new to this game, maybe just setting out on your first trip, here’s what you need to ensure everyone knows you’re a hardcore traveller (not a tourist - urgh).

Teva sandals
Are Tevas really any better than other sandals? Do they actually look any good? I’ll let you decide the answer to both those questions, but the truth remains that if you want to look like you take this travelling business seriously, you need a pair of Tevas strapped to your feet. Normal thongs are for showering, man.

Zip-off pants
Can’t people see you’re in a hurry? There are sights to be sighted! Attractions to be attracted to! You don’t have time for such trifling inconveniences as taking off your long pants and putting some shorts on. You need a combination garment! And who cares if they look ridiculous? This isn’t a fashion show.

Thai fisherman pants
You don’t want to look like a “tourist” wearing your fancy Western clothes. You want to fit in, do what the locals do, wear what the locals wear. So you don some Thai fisherman pants, and wind up looking like a “tourist” that stole someone else’s clothes.

Beer Chang T-shirt
Unfortunately, they don’t make “pad Thai” T-shirts or “banana pancakes” spray jackets, so you just have to be content advertising the beer you’ve been drinking over your entire stay. A good traveller will be able to interchange one of these with a Beerlao singlet and one of those red T-shirts that has Coca-Cola written in Thai on it.

Hardcore hiking boots
Sure, the only trek you’ve done in the last few weeks is from the hostel to the backpacker bar around the corner. But you never know when that Everest base camp hike is going to happen. It pays to be prepared.

A single lock of braided hair
Because nothing says “I’ve been to a country that does hair braiding” like some braided hair. You don’t want to get your whole head done though – that would look silly.

Dreadlocks
When you think about it, it’s the perfect travelling hairstyle – no maintenance necessary. But let’s see how many people hang onto them when they go back to their real lives at home and try to get a job. (Fine, I’m just jealous that I can’t grow them.)

An elastic headband/bandana thingy
This is mostly for the girls. Because you’re so laidback, you don’t even bother doing your hair anymore. But, like, you don’t want people to actually see what that looks like...

A keffiyeh
This piece of traditional Arabian headwear will provide definitive proof that you’ve been to either Morocco, Egypt, Syria, Jordan, or Cotton On down at your local Westfield. It shows you appreciate cultural diversity, but not at the expense of style.

A backpack with patches
Don’t wait to bore your fellow travellers with tales of where you’ve been and things you’ve seen – advertise them on your backpack! That way you’ll immediately know how many more places you’ve been to than the backpacker travelling next to you. See someone sporting an intimidating number of patches? Move away.

Expensive camera equipment
Your clothes might be ratty and your pack might be falling apart, but that’s no excuse not to be sporting thousands of dollars’ worth of high-end camera equipment and the sort of telephoto lens that will allow you to take photos of Mars. And nothing says “fitting in with the locals” like poking a giant camera in their faces.

An abundance of woven necklaces/bracelets
“Yeah, you know, I just pick one up wherever I go. It’s sort of supporting the local economy, you know? Giving back and stuff.”

What do you think hardcore travellers should wear?

My travel memoir, Five Ways to Carry a Goat, is in bookstores now – it’s the tale of my travels staying with you, the kindly readers of this blog. For more information, or to check out photos from the trip, head to my website. Otherwise, send topic suggestions/personal abuse to bengroundwater@gmail.com.

Follow Traveller on Twitter.
nice choice of words Kurt. "damn shame" My arent we eloquent. Just wait till someone has a few "choice words " for you, too. Uhhh duhhh...hmmmmh
DrakeS
mach
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:39 am

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby DrakeS » Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:56 pm

Cool photos here

http://www.twobackpackers.com/category/ ... f-the-day/

Check out the Argentinian railway white its still hot and there

This is the country with plans to develop the first high-speed line in South America

A 90-minute journey time between Buenos Aires and Rosairo is currently in limbo as a result of the global credit crisis

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buenos_Air ... ed_railway
nice choice of words Kurt. "damn shame" My arent we eloquent. Just wait till someone has a few "choice words " for you, too. Uhhh duhhh...hmmmmh
DrakeS
mach
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:39 am

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby Texas Carnie Roadshow » Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:19 am

all the while giving you their sales patter on their friend who can take you around the pyramids on a camel for a good price.


I had to jump off of one of those camels once.
When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? To surrender dreams - -this may be madness; to seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness! But maddest of all - -to see life as it is and not as it should be.
User avatar
Texas Carnie Roadshow
Rainbow Fucking Randolph
 
Posts: 3294
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:59 pm
Location: A bar in illinois with unprotected wifi

Re: The Backpacker's "Worst Awards"

Postby coldharvest » Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:46 am

mach, do you even own a fuckin' backpack?
I know the law. And I have spent my entire life in its flagrant disregard.
User avatar
coldharvest
Abdul Rahman
 
Posts: 25677
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 2:36 am
Location: Island of Misfit Toys


Return to Black Flag Cafe

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 23 guests

cron