wuts the point again

[Fansy]

remind me so i manage to stay alive for another 5-6 months

i wake up its cold im supposed to eat and do stuff to be productive so that
tomorrow i can wake up and its cold, i eat, do productive stuff
few years down the line enjoy the products of my labor or something find a nice wife
work do shit probably fail end up divorce financially stapped cuz kids r money
wake up its cold im supposed to eat and do stuff be productive so that
my kids who i wish i didnt have anymore anyways can have a few extra pairs of clothes and things
my ex can have a nicer car or something
but im still prolly pretty cold in a shitty car waitin for the next big thing which wont come cause the fun stuff in life pretty much done
an i still have problems attending work, conduct disorder, dislike and dont trust most ppl
my siblings and their fams are estranged because inlaws are scared of me and ive offended too many of them too many times
parents long dead dont have any real relationship with my kids or their fams
only work history is on and off physical or unskilled labor for last 15 years
still supposed to get up in the cold eat and do stuff pretend im tryin to be productive
stay alive long enough to get lung cancer die poorly tended all on the state's bill

lol i reckon need just 4 more months but reality is hammerin at the door

[mapandcompass]

Dude, Fansy, hang in there man. We've disagreed in the past but an existential crisis is a pretty big deal.

The 'point' is whatever you decide it to be, so I cannot exactly remind you. Just because your past was rough doesn't mean the future has to be (although to say "Oh, Fansy, everything will always be totally fine and sexy leprechauns will come at night and give you handjobs" is obviously BS and therefore not the advice I'll offer.)

The 'point' is not, necessarily, to have a big car, a hot wife and a shelf of 50-year scotches (although that's a good goal.)
It's to be happy (more or less) with yourself even when you're alone with your thoughts.

Some constructive ideas:
1) Learn. Education is really cheap with a library card and an hour of dedication a day.
2) Contribute to the public good. Volunteer, pick up garbage around your town, etc.
3) Contribute to posterity. Write down (or use a voice-recorder) a memoir or journal outlining lessons learned and adventures had. Someone, someday might find it and be like "Whoa this guy had a messed up life." Look at Bukowski, for example.

Some other ideas to help you hold out 4 months:
1) Plan the perfect heist
2) Sleep around
3) Smoke a lot of weed
4) Move to a different city or country to mix things up

Good luck man, things technically can get better if you want them to.

[marie-angelique]

it gets better

all joking aside. it does get better. hang in there fans.

[Kurt]

remind me so i manage to stay alive for another 5-6 months

i wake up its cold im supposed to eat and do stuff to be productive so that
tomorrow i can wake up and its cold, i eat, do productive stuff
few years down the line enjoy the products of my labor or something find a nice wife
work do shit probably fail end up divorce financially stapped cuz kids r money
wake up its cold im supposed to eat and do stuff be productive so that
my kids who i wish i didnt have anymore anyways can have a few extra pairs of clothes and things
my ex can have a nicer car or something
but im still prolly pretty cold in a shitty car waitin for the next big thing which wont come cause the fun stuff in life pretty much done
an i still have problems attending work, conduct disorder, dislike and dont trust most ppl
my siblings and their fams are estranged because inlaws are scared of me and ive offended too many of them too many times
parents long dead dont have any real relationship with my kids or their fams
only work history is on and off physical or unskilled labor for last 15 years
still supposed to get up in the cold eat and do stuff pretend im tryin to be productive
stay alive long enough to get lung cancer die poorly tended all on the state's bill

lol i reckon need just 4 more months but reality is hammerin at the door

Yes, that is the point. You do stuff and then you die. A squirrel gathers nuts and then dies. Some may get eaten by a golden retriever and therefore have a "shitty squirrel life" and others may get nice and fat and live inside of a roof of a clueless family who thinks it is "cute".

The blessing or curse of humans is we are aware of our situations, but you gotta just say "so the hell what?" and flip off the bastards dumb enough to that one corpse is more special than another corpse.

That is how you move on. Remember the measure of a man is not how he performs or how big of a stud he is, instead it is what he can endure.

[el3so]

Don't worry Fansy, it's just a ride.

[Penta]

The point is to find people you can love and who can love you and then it really does all look - and get - better. It looks as if you need to find people who aren't so easily offended. People more like us - cos you know we appreciate you. And you only offend us when you're trying really hard. ;)

[Fansy]

1) im not gonna hang in anywhere without a possible payoff
2) people dont make you happy they generally disappoint and betray, the more you get to know them the higher the possibility of these outcomes
3) this isnt an existential crisis this is my morning routine in the winter
4) if i die its not because i put a bullet in my head its because i went crazy and made someone else do it instead, or similar self-destructive things
5) i could die from substances but i dont mix them really and the only high priced thing im willin to pay for (and thus do with any regularity) is coke
6) im not gonna commit suicide jesus just going to get real self-destructive and acknowledge that im squandering my future, in all aspects
7) finally its okay prior to bfc meetup amsterdam i have a mexico trip planned in jan it is warm and life has meaning there i think
8) o yah PS wherever it is cold for more than 2 days life has no meaning and given like 3-4 weeks of cold if youre not thinking about suicide youre prolly insane

god didnt mean for this to sound like a suicide note. i must be more depressing than intended. if anythingi just hoped it brought all the meaninglessness out in your own lives and i doubly hoped you had horrible holidays and wanted to proclaim how shitty winter and xmas are, and how much of an asshold jesus is for bringing them round every year. fuck this gay time of year.

[coldharvest]

fuck this gay time of year.

You're an insignificant talking monkey on an indifferent planet in a vast uncaring and hostile universe.....do you need a hug faggot?

Life is a cardboard donkey waiting for you to pin some meaning to it

[michelle in alaska]

well, fansy.
your initial post is one of the only ones to resonate with me, truly, in this place, in a long long time.

i told you once before, i'm living the dream, myself.

as long as the blood is still pumping, there's hope. and hope comes from faith.
these are things that are not innate characteristics. they only come from.....you know where i'm going with this, don't you.
they come from grace, among other things. and i think you know where to access that.

it's almost christmas, big guy.

ask. and you sHaLL receive.

[michelle in alaska]

btw.
winter sucks.

[Penta]

sorry, Fansy. Opposite effect: didn't bring out any meaninglessness; reminded me how lucky I am. But then I'm sitting in tropical shade.:)
If you didn't want it to read like a suicide note or major existential crise, then you shouldn't have written it like one. Still, you've discovered that there are people who won't betray you even when you're being a pain in the neck ( tho perhaps I should say arse, given your anal fixation).

And reducing your white powder intake might help.

[Fansy]

If you didn't want it to read like a suicide note or major existential crise, then you shouldn't have written it like one. Still, you've discovered that there are people who won't betray you even when you're being a pain in the neck ( tho perhaps I should say arse, given your anal fixation).

im not saying what i wrote isnt sincere. i just dont think its a suicide note or major existential crisis because this thought process occurs almost daily in my head for the last several years and im still here. so i mean unless its one long ass suicide note or never-terminating existential crisis, it doesn't fall under those categories.

none of these people know me. which means yeah they are much less likely to disappoint or betray me. regarding nice comments, i'd expect nothing else from normal people who see a stranger in need and helping the stranger doesn't take much effort. i just dont think this act says a lot about a person, you know, what they post on a message board. for example if ronbo was expressing suicidal thoughts, i'd definitely egg him on and do what i could to get him to kill himself. i dont know the guy but i imagine hes worthless. that might change if i met him or his family, but in the meantime i have no qualms hoping for and helping to bring about his death. I could just type a few sentences and vrrrrroooooommmm suddenly i'm saving or ending lives.

the point is as easily as help or insult can be given, its just as meaningless a measure of the person offering it. so thanks everyone for your thoughts, but it was all meaningless and i dont know you and in the end these comments work to make you feel better about yourselves more than they provide any real psycho-emotional help to me.

And reducing your white powder intake might help.

this i highly doubt since 1) i do it at most once a week, 2) i use and enjoy modafinil more, 3) coke is great and gives a meaning all its own to life, and 4) coke is a cheaper, better, and more reliable friend than nearly all people will turn out to be.

[Penta]

Yep, what you say about it being easy to say kind (or horrible) things to a person on a forum is all true enough. But nobody had to bother, did they? To compose thoughts, write something they thought might be helpful, cheer you up, or whatever. And they did. So stop being so churlish.

There's a lesson that some people find really hard to grasp, which is that, however much people hide behind online personas (you can no doubt tell i've been reading too much sociology of late), they're still real people, just as you are. It's worth bearing that in mind. (I'm not saying I'm in any way offended and I don't suppose anyone else is either.) But if you're like that to people you meet in the real world too, it's no wonder you're having such a miserable time and think everyone will betray you sooner or later. Sow and reap, mate.

As for the charms of coke (I love it too, tho I've long given it up :(( ), it is no substitute for friends, and if you think it is, you've gone far too far down that road.

That's more than enough mother hennery for now.

[Naveen]

wuts the point again

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women.

[coldharvest]

wuts the point again

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women.

+1