bullshit in the UK

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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby Aryan » Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:44 pm

Fansy wrote:so im back from the 7-8 month stint in the UK. there are so many fukn things i could talk about, so many stupid fucking things generally dealin with the inefficiency of its bursting-at-the-seams bureaucracy or the hilarious 1-bird-with-15-stones mindset of the locals. o, i didnt have any problem with chavs, muslims, immigrants, or even the police. i bought a shitload of weed and really it was the only business/operation that impressed me because it made sense and worked on schedule without having 4 different managers that amongst themselves dont even know the equivalent of one single pile of shit whih situation is common on the island. you fuckin brits.

so, for example, cuz i was gettin married, some family comes into manchester from the US. i meet them at the airport and we get on the trainride back to fucksville sheffield. you know the deal, family all meeting the fiance for the first time, we're all sittin and chatting showin each other pictures and shit, ppl tryin to embarrass me with old photos and shit. all the sudden behind me in the cabin, i hear a crash/bang and i turn and look like everyone else. some brit has fallen out of the train bathroom, hit his head on the armrest of an _occupied_ adjacent chair, and is unceremoniously writhin on the ground. and im like o fuck not this shit again you fucking brits. my fam hasn't slept in like days from the flights and they dont know that these fuckin brits go everywhere drunk and retarded for no other reason than theyre miserable at squanderin their former empire and also because their weather is the worst horseshit weather that can be shat out of a goats ass. 4 sunny days the entire fuckin summer. what a shithole. anyways i quickly recognize that the brit might not be drunk, or may be drunk, but either way he's havin a fuckin seizure on his back 10 feet behind me in a train car packed full of people, half-in half-out of the bathroom, which although the door has only been open for 5 secs its already filled the whole cabin with the reek of brit-piss cuz apparently people piss all the fuck over themselves and the bathroom in the UK trains. which isnt fuckin surprising since they derail or emergency stop every 10 minutes.

im presented with a dilemma in that with this train car full of fuckin brits, all of them silently gawkin with that stupid close-mouthed, "i'll just pretend this isnt happening" brit response to emergencies, not a single fuckin person has stood up, said anything other than a few "oh right" or "dear me"...in fact, some of these shitbird south yorkshire ppl have _stopped_fucking_looking_. there is a man having a fucking seizure on the ground and ppl are like "o well as long as it doesnt interrupt my 5 oclock tea" or some shit. the douche-fucking-bag whose armchair the afflicted man's head collided with pulls his eyes away from the seizuring brit at his feet, returns his focus forward to the front of the car as if somehow that will make the loud smelly shaking sputtering seizurebrit just disappear. and i am not fuckin kiddin. what the fuck man, express something. not even showin fuckin disgust. this mother fucker. what kind of country grows up a fucker like that.

so next thing i know i'm outta my seat rolling this saggy seizuring brit onto his side because hes nearly frothing. out comes the blood spit and what looks like some chewed pieces of tongue onto the carpeted floor. now several traincar brits have turned back to watch because apparently its mildly interesting again, seeing that a fuckin american is doing their fuckin job. and they know im american not only because we've been loud and chatting on that dismal train for about 40 mins but also cause im calling out for someone to give me a pen/pencil so i can stop this guy from biting through the rest of his fucking tngue. and that asshole in the chair, he just gives me the shiteatingest "i dont have one, sorry" smile/shrug. holy shit you middleaged fuckin man youre about as useful as a lukewarm bucket of spit. fortunately his neighbr has a round metal pen which he parts with in eager anticipation. now this shitbird is the opposite of the first fucker, he cant wait to see me shove it in the dudes fuckin mouth. what a fuckin fag. hes like "here use it quickly get it in there" like a vulture, leaning over his robotic companion who i shit you not is fuckin starin straight forward still. these two brits are a fucking sight to see. the resolute fucker somehow has the wherewithal to move his shoes to avoid gettin seizurebrit juice on them even though he hasnt looked down again.

at this point, my bro is helpin hold the guy on his side but hes sorta in the way, mainly of the light, so i cant see this brits mouth, i can just hear the froth. plus his head is now almost under the seat. so anyways i need a fuckin flashlight to see this guys mouth to see if he really is biting off his tongue and how I can jam a pen in his grill. so i ask the traincar for some light....of course none of you fuckin brits even knows what the fuck im saying let alone responds with aything useful "oh my, a flashlight!" "what do you suppose a flashlight could be used for?" "perhaps the yank needs more light!?" "oh good show old chap by jove i think youre onto something". while these fuckin bridbrains are prattling away, my pops pulls out a small flashlight from his carry on tosses it to my bro, who gets it shining under the seat on britseizures face. i determine that the pen needs to go into his mouth immediately, and vulturebrit is basically standing on his seat and almost has an orgasm when i force it in. non-response brit is amazingly composed and staring intently and the back of the seat in front of him, like hes tryin to make it spontaneously combust with his mind. the seizure stops over the next 2 mins, his breathin is raspy but he seems to be okay. a nurse shows up from another car...because by this time, word has spread among the brit hens that one of their flock has fallen. another emt type shows up soon from the opposite direction, and a conductor type joins us to tell us theyre stopping at chinley station in order to wait for an ambulance, because apparently, in the car in fucking front of us_another_fucking_brit_ is having a heart attack on the floor too.

what the fuck. these fucking trains and brits. so we wait at chinley station for 60 FUCKIN MINUTES. by the time the ambulance guys show up, stand around for 10 mins, and decide how exactly to pull their thumbs outta their asses, seizurebrit is up and stumbling around, trying to go home (yeah right motherfucker you live on the fucking street). the train ride to sheffield from there was like 15 minutes, along with sheffield hospitals and ambulances and what not. are you fuckin kidding me?? seizurebrit wont say what his fuckin disability is, fucking liar, apparently disability cards in the UK dont say what the fuck is wrong with you. i assumed alcohol, aids, diabetes, or all 3, but motherfucker wont say shit and im like dude your shitblood and spit got all over the place at least give ppl a heads up. but im pretty sure it was aids he looked like a gay drug user. i think the other brit was srs and may have died, i dont know, some fuckin genius brit suggested i should go up to the other cabin to check on the other dying brit, and im like sure o yeah so i can catch another lawsuit/disease from your own fucking fellow countryman which you should be gettin off your fat frumpy ass to save you fuckin has-been nation of fuckall.

so as we made our way out of chinley station towards shitsville the conductor asks for my name/address/telephone/contact just in case they need some more info about the incident - yeah like where you can find me when you want to sue me for messing up your train carpet you worthless fucking administrator - and its like a 3 hour train ride from manchester to sheffield by now. the whole cabin smells like brit-piss permanently because i think the door is fuckin broken/stuck open, plus the water/soap doesnt even work and i know theres all sorts of aids in the air. somehwere in the commotion the original brit sitting next to the toilet left. that sneaky motherfucker, didnt do shit and got away before he got fuckin found out for being a giant turd or had to sign a piece of paper confirming he didnt do shit when another faggy brit collapsed and seizured on his shoes. o and the conductor said thanks, thanks for the help. but not a single brit in the car said a single british word to me regarding the incident, even though we were in the same place for over 2 hours. none of them even said "hey sorry about the state of our shitty country that you americans have to see how pathetic we truly live/are".

and not a single shit was given by anyone.

i got stories for days. these fuckin brits. how the fuck. how the fuckin fuck did these ridiculous fucks ever fuck over the entire world. these mother fuckers.

You stuck a pen down the mouth of someone having a seizure? Fucking amateur.
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humans cannot swallow their own tongue

Postby el3so » Sat Dec 31, 2011 6:54 pm

You stuck a pen down the mouth of someone having a seizure?

Shouldn't worry too much about possibly fukcing up someone's teeth if they are British ;-)
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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby Caliban » Sat Dec 31, 2011 7:12 pm

flipflop wrote:Nothing worse than a bunch of whiny Yanks on a train, but there's always a nutter somewhere on a British train, usually more, to silence the norms. I went to Peterborough earlier this year with the football. On the carriage from London were us old boys, lots of younger fans on a serious drinking mission, a gaggle of stereotypical Yank tourists, and two smackheads who had travelled up from Brighton to see the match as well. The Yanks at the start were in full "Oh my Gad" sketch, rabbiting as loud as most tend to do; that was until the smackheads joined them as all the seats were taken by football lads chucking down the ale like it was going out of fashion. One skip rat, who was between 18 and 40, you can't tell when they're into their gear as much as these two obviously were, sat beside the Yanks and started picking horses from his paper for a bet in the bookies in Peterborough.

He had a bottle of lucozade on him too. Mid-sentence to his skag mate across the aisle and he stops and starts gouching like fuck, full slo-mo sketch, his jead dropping toward the fat Yank in the seat beside him. Just as his Lucozade is about to go over the Yank's strides he comes to, and carries on picking his horses like nothing's happened, 'facking' this and 'caant' that. This went on the whole way to Peterborough, sometimes he'd gouch into his bottle and just hover there in suspended animation, his face contorted with smack and his eyes closed, then snap out of it and carry on yapping. I was in total clip from laughing at him. The septics weren't so happy - a carriage full of noisy football boys young and old, and aggressive bouts of gouching from a small thin man in a coat and beanie hat far too big for his skeletal frame. The Yanks' faces were a picture, they couldn't have look more bewildered if they tried, a completely alien culture for them.

This is England, take it or leave it, I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere else

Cheers


Makes you proud to be British.

fansy wrote:regarding cops with no guns, while performing in that capacity might be a personally stupid decision to make, overall since police are essentially an illegitimate, unnecessary, and ineffective force for most purposes, its nice to see them begin to acknowledge these shortcomings and their therefore limited-scope responsiiblity/rights in daily practice. It's sorta like admitting you're probably gonna fuck something up when you get involved so its better if you dont have a gun when you do (acknowledging fallibility/mistakes/negative consequences), but the expectation is that you still have to get involved and pretend like you should be listened to/respected (acknowledging some amount of responsibility and obligation towards citizen needs and safety). if any police force could ever evolve into a legitimate body properly performing needed functions in different communities, they would need to continue down this path of confrontation without physical coercion towards control or violence - instead, witnessing and obstructing crime and injustice yet with an intimate, persistent, and ultimately unarmed and pacifist approach. violence, vengeance, and justice would be the purview of armed individuals and families (and perhaps groups of families, such as the blocks that comprise a community), while investigation, protection, and ultimately witnessing and attesting would be performed by an unarmed force (living locally) tasked with occasionally dangerous yet meaningful, useful, and well-specified, non-violent missions among the citizens. in this way, we can enter the singularity with our only true accomplishments as a species - namely our concepts of unalienable rights, the responsibility that comes along with voluntary yet binding obligations, and our freedom to express all thought and speech - intact and ready to flourish and concomitantly drive our eternal success and multiverse dominance under our new borg consciousness.


But in the meantime ...

This also made me proud yesterday, reading the revelations from the government papers release under the thirty year rule, specifically about the 1981 Liverpool Riots. Not the comments from the wittering wimp Lord Howe about abandoning Liverpool, no the one that caught my attention was from Michael heseltine who was at that time made the Minister for Liverpool. -

As the government sought to respond to the situation in 1981, Mr Heseltine was despatched to Liverpool. He reported back by phone to Mrs Thatcher on 25 July.

The cabinet papers note: "Mr Heseltine considered the behaviour of the police in Liverpool to be quite horrifying. They were not acting in a racialist fashion. They treated all suspects in a brutal and arrogant manner."

Firm but fair, firm but fair. None of your touchy feely, down with the kids "we're a police service not a force" molly coddling in them days. Like I say, makes me proud.
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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby nowonmai » Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:23 pm

Bwutal and awwogant that's what you were.
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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby Caliban » Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:48 pm

nowonmai wrote:Bwutal and awwogant that's what you were.


But always in a professional way. No racism, equal opportunity arrogant brutes.
"If you sit still the birds shit on you, even Buddha, life's short so get out there and do something"
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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby nowonmai » Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:23 pm

Caliban wrote:
nowonmai wrote:Bwutal and awwogant that's what you were.


But always in a professional way. No racism, equal opportunity arrogant brutes.


After a hard day battering people I expect you unwound in your Triumph Stag by putting this on the stereo back in July 1981 as you drove to the pub for a ploughmans and a few bevvies. I like the coppers battering people, as long as it's the right people.

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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby Aryan » Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:34 pm

nowonmai wrote:I like the coppers battering people, as long as it's the right people.

In liverpool it's always the right people.
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Re: bullshit in the UK

Postby Caliban » Mon Jan 02, 2012 6:11 pm

nowonmai wrote: in your Triumph Stag by putting this on the stereo back in July 1981 as you drove to the pub for a ploughmans and a few bevvies. I like the coppers battering people, as long as it's the right people.


In July 1981 I was working 16 hour shifts and an extra in a badly costumed gladiator film, I am not certain but there is every chance i am in that photo at the junction of Mulgrave and Upper Parliament streets. All the eating and drinking beer was done on duty at local hostelries...

Image

Curious bit of synchronicity, the photograph that the BBC used in the article about the government document release the other day, is of the two cars we tried to give away to a local yokel and i related to your good selves, here on the flag a year ago.

Image

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=52369&p=511455&hilit=toxteth#p511455
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