Britain's wittiest celebrity

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Britain's wittiest celebrity

Postby St John Smythe » Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:18 am

Hot on the heels of his knighthood, Olympic cycling champion Sir Bradley Wiggins has landed another title - Britain's wittiest living celebrity.

More than 2,000 British adults were took part in the poll to mark the start of TV channel Dave's Leicester Comedy Festival.

They were asked to choose from a shortlist of 25 celebrities, excluding professional comedians, to select the funniest person.

The Tour de France champion came top for quips such as the one he made to crowds by the Champs-Elysees, who came to see him become the race's first British winner.

"We're just going to draw the raffle numbers now".

After being named the Sports Personality Of The Year, Wiggins said: "Nan, the cheque is in the post, because you pressed redial God knows how many times."

London Mayor Boris Johnson came second in the poll, with jokes such as:

"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."

Crystal Palace football manager Ian Holloway was third for the likes of "Right now, everything is going wrong for me - if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb!"

The top five was completed by Apprentice star Lord Sugar and Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson.

Robbie Williams was sixth, followed by Noel Gallagher, who said of his estranged brother Liam:

He's the angriest man you'll ever meet, he's like a man with a fork in a world of soup.

Singer Rod Stewart was eighth, who said after a divorce: "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

Ninth and tenth place went to Ant McPartlin, followed by Colin Firth, who quipped: "Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke."

No women made the top 10, although Claudia Winkleman was voted funniest woman, followed by Lily Allen.

Top 10 Wittiest (with examples)

1) Sir Bradley Wiggins: Asked about how he's anticipating one of the punishing Tour de France climbs in the Pyrenees - "It goes uphill like all the others, doesn't it?"
2) Boris Johnson: During London 2012: "'Inspire a generation' is our motto. Not necessarily 'Create a generation'...which is what they sometimes get up to in the Olympic village."
3) Ian Holloway : After QPR beat Cardiff: "I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season."
4) Lord Sugar: To Apprentice candidates - "I've read all your CVs and on paper you all look good, but so does fish and chips."
5) Jeremy Clarkson: "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"

6) Robbie Williams:"Madonna looked amazing. I can't believe she's 89 and looks like that."

7) Noel Gallagher on Wayne Rooney's hair transplant: "I'm not having it. He looks like a balloon with a Weetabix crushed on top"

8) Rod Stewart: "It's often said that a band is like a family, and that may well be true, depending on how often your family is tired and drunk."
9) Ant McPartlin: "Our first flat, in South West London, was a pig-sty....Peter Andre lived in the flat above us and in the evenings he'd go to the gym while we'd be working on our own six packs - of beer."
10) Colin Firth: Joking about the possibility of his fellow Bridget Jones's Diary star Hugh Grant retiring from acting: "All we can do is hope and pray."

http://www.itv.com/news/2013-02-08/sir- ... celebrity/
St John Smythe
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