First-world shit I just don't get

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First-world shit I just don't get

Postby friendlyskies » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:08 pm

You know, I used to think the developed world's ridiculous clutter was made up of maybe 70% useless shit, which annoyed me. However, being a new mom makes you appreciate things like dishwashers, which I had previously categorized as "almost useless." (I still, however, think they are "almost useless" if you live alone, or with adults responsible enough to wash their own shit immediately, rather than letting it pile up for others to clean.) Anyway, now I think it's more 50/50 useful/useless stuff.

So there are still many things in the developed world that are so useless that they piss me off. For instance, dryer sheets.

Dryer sheets are for some reason ubiquitous. Look in people's laundry baskets and rooms - people just buy dryer sheets. They purport to make fabric "softer" and cut down on static cling. But all you need is a few drops of water to stop static cling, by balancing the electrons. For free. And dryer sheets don't make fabric softer, they make it slimier, by coating it with rendered fat and various chemicals, some of them mildly toxic, that keep said fat from becoming rancid. There's usually a strong scent added, which thankfully fades within a few hours.

It makes my skin crawl. And the kicker is that you have to buy them, which costs like $4-10 a box. Not so expensive that people think, "Hmmm, why the fuck am I going to all the trouble to wash my clothes, and then paying to coat them in fucking rendered fat and chemicals? Upon reflection, that seems a bit silly." No, instead people just glide through the cleaning aisle at the store, and pay this extra amount unthinkingly because they're supposed to do it, for pennies a load. They've seen, on hundreds of commercials, that lots of attractive-but-down-to-earth women consider fabric sheets an integral part of making clothes clean. So it must be true. No. The only clean thing about dryer sheets is the incredibly effective brainwashing.

Anyway, I will add to this list in the future, as I have to go. But I really need to vent about some of this stuff. First worlders are easy marks.
Last edited by friendlyskies on Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby friendlyskies » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:31 pm

Another one - sorry this is housewife stuff, but trust me, there's plenty of gender-neutral and guy-targeted idiocy to come - is the multicolored packet of detergent. These make the experience of cleaning clothing *or* dishes a more cheerful and productive part of your day:

Image

Now, these cost you easily ten times per load what basic detergent costs, with the added bonus of being even more toxic to the environment (not to mention your dishes and clothes). It's two or three different configurations of soap, mixed with different amounts of water and coloring, wrapped in bubbles of quick-dissolving plastic. It's retarded. They don't clean any better, and in some cases (if the plastic doesn't dissolve quickly because it's blocked by a dish or clothing item) can be less effective. Maybe they're slightly more convenient than pouring liquid or powder out of a container, but is that really worth spending ten times the money? No. Of course not. And yet, they are in every grocery cart, even the carts of people who are clearly on a budget.

What. The. Fuck.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby ktrout » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:27 pm

Yeah, I use one dollar shampoo on myself, plain old detergent on my clothes and whatever dish detergent on my dishes.
If there's anything I can rant about it's the marketing of antibacterial soaps.
Here's a Scientific American article about it.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby Chimborazo » Tue Oct 01, 2013 4:59 am

friendlyskies wrote:You know, I used to think the developed world's ridiculous clutter was made up of maybe 70% useless shit, which annoyed me. However, being a new mom makes you appreciate things like dishwashers, which I had previously categorized as "almost useless." (I still, however, think they are "almost useless" if you live alone, or with adults responsible enough to wash their own shit immediately, rather than letting it pile up for others to clean.)


I've had a dishwasher for the past 15 years or so but have usually only used it as a drying rack to save counter space. When I moved here (I'm alone), I went to work in a hurry one morning and left my plate, utensils, and frying pan in the sink and didn't even think about that when I got back in the evening, as they were out of sight. A day or two later I wanted to use that frying pan and was confused for a good five minutes before it occurred to me to look in the dishwasher. Turns out the maid put those few things in the dishwasher and ran it, which I was irritated by because it seems like a total waste of water to run it with so few items in it. Further, since I don't use it, I don't have dishwasher detergent so I guess she just used the regular dish soap (which is okay, I guess? Don't know what the difference is). Anyway, now I just make sure to leave no dirty dishes on the days she comes.

That's my riveting story for the BFC. After reading this, your day can only get more exciting from now. You're welcome.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby coldharvest » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:00 am

Chimborazo wrote:After reading this, your day can only get more exciting from now.

You'd think that wouldn't you
....but you may not be aware of how shit/boring some peoples life can be
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby Michael » Tue Oct 01, 2013 5:56 pm

The more discetionary income you have the more crap you can spend it on...it's all a matter of, as the economists say, "tastes and preferences." I always thought it would be fun to do a documentary comparing and contrasting American television commercials with news footage from elsewhere...you know like your own personal Brita water filter to hook on to your sink versus little kids drinking water out of some crap infested mud hole or 1-800 PetMeds versus some of the folks Pelon helps out on a regular basis...
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby friendlyskies » Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:52 pm

Michael wrote:The more discetionary income you have the more crap you can spend it on...it's all a matter of, as the economists say, "tastes and preferences." I always thought it would be fun to do a documentary comparing and contrasting American television commercials with news footage from elsewhere...you know like your own personal Brita water filter to hook on to your sink versus little kids drinking water out of some crap infested mud hole or 1-800 PetMeds versus some of the folks Pelon helps out on a regular basis...


See, clean, running water is one of those things I classify as "so necessary it should probably be a human right." Water filters are "somewhat useful," in that they actually provide a service that potentially benefits the users - filtering out some of the antidepressants and heavy metals and pesticides and whatnot that are in the water. Dishwashers, "Somewhat useful in certain situations." The point is that people don't have the discretionary income for a lot of this stuff, they're buying on autopilot, pre-programmed by, primarily, television commercials. If you can't afford good food or transportation, you can't afford dryer sheets, come on. Anyway, I have a precise and ever-changing classification system that I should probably outline in detail.

But first, I need to talk about some other Rip Van Winkle shit that gets on my nerves, and that is the sudden disappearance of water fountains. Water fountains used to be everywhere, remember? Outside every bathroom, in convenient locations around most parks, shopping centers, and city squares and downtowns. They played a central role in the Civil Rights Movement because they were everywhere.

Image
Even back when USAmericans sewed most of their own clothes and cooked almost every meal,
you could still find not one, but two, fucking water fountains just about anywhere people gathered.

So, right before the baby was due, I was trying to cross as much off my to-do list as possible, including "sell back some dead computers to the Apple Store for credit," which I did. This required going to Atlanta's premier luxury mall, Lenox. They had to examine the old computers for a couple of hours, so I was basically stuck at the mall. And there was no way in hell that I was going shopping at nine months pregnant, that's just depressing.

I just peoplewatched and walked around.... and started getting THIRSTY. So I started looking for the water fountain. There wasn't one. Not in the food court. NOT BY THE BATHROOM. The bathroom was full of rich ladies (and wannabes, who are even more snortily judgmental), so I didn't want to go in there and cup my hands like fucking Diogenes. So I go out into the food court for a cup. You had to pay for the cup of ice at every single restaurant, it was a mall rule. Which pissed me off. I finally got an herbal iced tea at Starbucks, which was actually pretty good. But if I ever go back, I'm drinking out of the sinks in the bathroom, for great justice.

BUT. BUT. But. Guess what was all over the mall, in all the places you'd have expected to find a water fountain, if this were the Valley Girls era of mall socialization? (Arguably the peak of USAmerican mall socialization imho, but I digress.) A fucking drink machine with Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, other Pepsi products, and bottled water. For TWO FUCKING DOLLARS. Dasani, or whatever the Pepsi bottled water is called, is just tap water! You pay 89¢ for the convenience of not carrying a bottle around with you! Not TWO FUCKING DOLLARS, the same as a 300-calorie Pepsi.

And then.... and then I realized that this was not some isolated incident, it was privatization of water being implemented as part of some frog-boiling metaphor. This time, however, the rich people were the marks. They tried it on the poor people and failed, see Cochabamba for more on that. But the rich.... the rich CAN fight back, but they're also the easiest marks when it comes to some of this shit. So they're the ones getting fucked for $2 here, $2 there, and pretty soon that attitude - that they don't give a shit whether a vital resource is distributed efficiently and publicly, or ridiculously in order to maximize profit for a corporation, will spread.

And the worst part is that it's so fucking stupid and useless. A highly processed petroleum bubble encasing tap water, rather than tap water. It's retarded.
Last edited by friendlyskies on Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby friendlyskies » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:04 pm

Oh, and Halloween costumes for dogs? Jesus fuck.

EDIT: Although, come to think of it, they also have a traditional festival for dogs in costumes in Nicaragua, right before Easter. So maybe there's just something about costumed dogs that has intrinsic but unquantifiable value. Hard to say.

http://www.lavozdelsandinismo.com/nicar ... raguenses/
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby gnaruki » Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:44 am

You might appreciate this one, FS: http://theworstthingsforsale.com/

The only first world contrivance that comes to mind that is useless is the toaster.....and rice cookers.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby Kurt » Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:42 pm

I use those dryer sheets. But I have an apartment complex laundry room filled with third-worlders (like my wife) and with the dryer temperatures the way they are the only thing preventing me from being electrocuted is the dryer sheets.

When I do laundry at my parents place I hang them out to dry or I use the first world dryer run by first world people and no dryer sheets are needed.

But, here is some Third World shit I don't get.

1. Using bleach on everything. They pour liquid bleach on top of the washer in this little divot to soak give their clothes a good scrub. If you set your laundry bag atop this you will ruin your clothes.

2. Washing unwashable things like rubber floor mats (put in the dryer of course so you have a dryer that smells like a tire fire..only cure is dryer sheets) and disposable diapers.

3. using the sink to dispose of toxic chemicals used to straighten hair.

4. cleaning out chitterlings in the sink and leaving pre-shit in the sink (and not using bleach to clean that out...no, bleach is only for everything else but cleaning up after yourself when you rinse entrails out in the sink)

The last place I lived I would see women washing curtains with big holes burned into them...why?

5. Sangria rituals in which Florida Water is sprayed onto a lit candle that for some reasons is always near curtains. This kills people but they do it anyway.

One time I noticed that the pharmacy sold blocks of Aluminum Oxide in the local remedy area. I asked what it was for thinking stopping shaving nicks but no

6. Using a douche of Aluminum Oxide to "recondition" the vagina after childbirth.

I'll take my wacky dryer sheets anyday to mitigate the confusion of having third worlders using a first world service.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby shivers » Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:01 am

I use dryer sheets, and I will not apologize. The used ones can be repurposed as dusting cloths.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby rickshaw92 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:14 am

shivers wrote:I use dryer sheets, and I will not apologize. The used ones can be repurposed as dusting cloths.


And how the fuck much extra does yer ho ass charge fo thet service?
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby flipflop » Fri Oct 18, 2013 8:08 am

For fucks sake Bicycle Bill, will you put her on ignore, or get a ride off a woman soon? You hate working girls, we get it, I'm just worried you're going to smoke some bad skunk and end up the lead story on the news at 6pm

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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby nowonmai » Fri Oct 18, 2013 1:13 pm

At home after a hard day in the saddle.

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Re: First-world shit I just don't get

Postby rickshaw92 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 1:43 pm

nowonmai wrote:At home after a hard day in the saddle.

Image


Nice digs Nowonmai. I did not know you that you are a cowboy.
Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.
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