My recomendations for job interviews

[Kurt]

1. Don't answer your cell phone if it rings during an interview.

2. When you are asked for references give them or do not give them. Do not get indignant about privacy when you are asked for them.

Seems obvious but sometimes shockingly qualified people for a position do not realise these things might be a bit of a "tipping point".

[vagabond]

The cell phone shouldn't even be on. Talk about one of the rudest devices to come along in the past two decades.

I wish I could at least get to the interview stage these days....

[SRR]

Not knowing anything about the company that's interviewing you is also imperative.

Also, you can learn a lot from watching movies.

[Chimborazo]

I had a guy apply for a position for nights and weekends, and when asked why he wanted to leave his current position, he said it was because he was tired of working nights and weekends.

[nowonmai]

Make sure your CV is filled in with text speak and say things like - It wd be wkd to wk wiv ur compny! Some right poncey media nobhead I know regularly gets such CVs.

[vagabond]

I would also add "wear a suit that fits". I've seen too many seniors in college buy suits off-the-rack that make them look like they've disappeared into walking cloth bags. Some extra money at a tailors goes a long way.

[Chimborazo]

I would also add "wear a suit that fits". I've seen too many seniors in college buy suits off-the-rack that make them look like they've disappeared into walking cloth bags. Some extra money at a tailors goes a long way.

Take a step back and start with "wear a suit". I can't believe how many people show up to court or interviews dressed like crap.

[SRR]

I can't believe how many people show up to court or interviews dressed like crap.

Hey, sometimes an orange jumpsuit is all you have.

[Dr. V]

'I would like this promotion as I am dedicated to my career...... I believe in leading by example..... I don't believe that people at my level should have to do menial tasks like using the photocopier............. I would like every Friday afternoon off to do those essential things that I don't want to do at the weekend like going to Tescos and getting my hair cut'

All from one women who unsurprisingly did not get the job

[Chimborazo]

Ha ha...I'm looking at a resume right now that is pretty special. First of all, the e-mail address listed is nofearXXX@XXX.com. One of his job titles:

Technical Support Analyst & Compensation Controls Coordinator (2nd paragraph)

2nd paragraph?


He also has experience in the following:

LAN/WAN, issues, Citrix Metrfarme, and password reset's

In this position, he also:

Researched and retreives required documentation to meet Audit requirements, requesting documentation if needed, and performing deletions if not submitted prior to Audit deadlines.

What the fuck? I really have no idea what he's trying to say here, but it almost sounds like if he can't meet an audit deadline he deletes the documents he was supposed to submit. He can't possibly be that stupid, but that's the best I can do. Oh, and the entire job description is in bold type.


In another position, he:

Implements and supported the rollout of hundreds of new Windows XP PC's and laptops for the XX State Police at multiple site's located in the state of XX, thus replacing User's existing Windows

98 or Windows 2000 Professional PC's.

I read this statement, saw the randomly placed carriage return (among other things), thus I think You're a retard.


One large home improvement chain was lucky enough to have him in a position where he was responsible for:

Customer Service, stocking and receiving, inventory Control and lost prevention work and investigations.

I only include this one just in case any of you Flaggers need someone with seasonal experience in "inventory Control and lost prevention work and investigations." I have his contact information and can hook you up.


Finally, he:

Took follow up phone calls from user's in order to answer technical, as well as "hot to" questions that they had concerning such things as Windows 200 login process.

If you weren't wowed already by his Windows 200 experience or his ability to field technical and "hot to" questions, you'll be impressed to learn that one of two things he lists in his qualifications section is:

Experience in supporting multiple sights for large Corporations and Business.

To top it all off, this guy actually worked here a little over ten years ago (which is not on his resume), and was easily the stupidest person I've ever worked around. He ended every statement with "or whatever", and was lazy as shit. He also used to hand me his text pager and ask me to delete messages because he couldn't figure out how. According to his resume, he's never had a job for more than 9 months (he only lasted here for about three months).

[Woodsman]

It's so hard to find good help.

[marie-angelique]

we actually hired a guy who showed up to his intervew wearing jeans and an untucked plaid shirt and a really bad hairdo (bald, and long around the edges). but then math(s) teachers are supposed to be slobs, right?

[Kurt]

Chimborazo those were awesome. Password resets as a skill...I have never had that in a resume yet.

I had one resume that I reviewed that had "Ten Years of Unix Experience" but he appeared to have done his math wrong and had three dodgy years in India before asking me to get him a greencard.

One resume (also from India) said "Have Green Card but will need another one."

One knob head sent in a "Patriot" resume. This had little flags on it and had the person's name written as "Bob Smith: American Citizen, Christian, Unix Administrator." "Bob" had a good resume so my recruiter called him and tried to set up an interview and he spent his whole time on the phone screaming at her for some reason (like for calling him) so she hung up on him and he then called her back and started yelling at her again about being hung up on.

And an ex girlfriend of mine told me a funny story about her first interview in the "Big City" for a major magazine as a 24 year old with a fresh Master's degree and for some reason she just started crying uncontrolably and the whole interview was spent with the person interviewing her calmly listening to her complaints about everything going wrong with her life and handing her tissues. She then thanked him for listening and told him that she felt better and left. Didn't get the job of course.

[Woodsman]

What about the basement airplane builder?

And an ex girlfriend of mine told me a funny story about her first interview in the "Big City" for a major magazine as a 24 year old with a fresh Master's degree and for some reason she just started crying uncontrolably and the whole interview was spent with the person interviewing her calmly listening to her complaints about everything going wrong with her life and handing her tissues. She then thanked him for listening and told him that she felt better and left. Didn't get the job of course.

[Chimborazo]

That's hilarious Kurt.

And by the way, it wasn't just password resets, it "password reset's." And here's more...his career goal is:

A long-term postision within a Dynamic company.

In his "Technical Expertise" section, he listed:

Netware Admin 32, LAN/WAN's, VPN's, WINS, DNS, DHCP, UNIX, W2k Active Directory, Remote support Tools, Microsoft DOS

He also has experience "fine-tuning applications."

Everything I've written is verbatim, with the exception of his exact e-mail address and the police organisation he worked for. All the punctuation and capitalization is his.