Bush is a Wahhabist Sleeper Agent

[friendlyskies]

So I spent all day at the National Security Archives in DC, where folks believe in black CIA helicopters because they have the documentation. I was getting bored, though, so I started telling everyone there, earnestly, about my totally bullshit theory that Bush is actually a Wahhabist sleeper agent...and they believed me! Well, at least they pretended to.

So I'm thinking this could be a very successful meme, but I need your help. Not just spreading it, although that's important, but also fleshing it out. Because I don't know much about the Middle East, really.



Basically, the conspiracy theory goes like this: Bush is secretly a Wahhabist Muslim and he's using the USA to support Saudi Arabia and their extra-annoying version of Islamic Monarchy.

This would explain why, for example, we were attacked by Wahhabists but got our revenge by, you know, attacking the biggest threat to Wahhabist Saudi Arabia, which was Iraq. Then threatening to attack Saudi Arabia's other biggest threat, Iran. Then getting Israel to attack Shia Hezbollah and Shia Hamas, but leave the Sunnis alone. And of course it explains why Bush didn't get freaked out when they told him people were flying planes into assorted buildings - because that's when they read him the hypnotic trigger words, "My Pet Goat."


Surah 2:171 "The parable of those who reject Faith is as if one were to shout Like a goat-herd, to things that listen to nothing but calls and cries: Deaf, dumb, and blind, they are void of wisdom. "

My proof is of course circumstantial: When Bush found God, he quit drinking. Ahem. He also eschews fatty foods - like pork and bacon. And I can't find any pics of him eating barbecue, which is a little bit weird for a Texan, don't you think? Plus, he wakes up at sunrise...for some reason. And have you ever seen Laura show any skin? I'm just saying.

Of course, for my conspiracy theory to work, that would have to mean that the 9/11 planes were hijacked by Wahhabists, not Israelis! AND, that Osama bin Laden and Bush Co were working together on some level. Both of which I know are super difficult to believe. Hmmm....

[coldharvest]

bin Laden and Bush

God's truth their families use the same bankers in Switzerland.

[Sri Lanky]

Those evil Swiss.

[friendlyskies]

Just to continue for a minute, the whole thing was banking on Americans not knowing the difference between a Shi'ite and a Sunni, which most of us didn't until the Iraqui Civil War...erm...I mean, that little problem of sectarian violence.

But in the ME, that's a huge rivalry, right? Bigger than Islam vs. Israel, right? I remember in the book Beirut to Jerusalem by some super famous journalist guy, he recounts the 1989 Hajj, when the Saudi cops massacred several hundred Iranian pilgrims. They (men!) grabbed this one lady and kept asking her nationality - and she could have said Palestinian, Afghani, whatever, but she didn't. She said Persian and got killed. And the Hajji being interviewed was impressed that not one Iranian lied about it, not even to escape death. I don't know how many Americans know that story, but I bet everyone of a certain age in ME does.

Plus Iranian Shia Republicanism is pretty much, well, a popular democracy, at least it could be in theory. Maybe not compared to France, but compared to Kuwait or Syria. That's got to appeal to a wide range of folks weaned on US progressive promises, but dissillusioned by US foreign policy. Lots of people want democracy, just not USA brand...and Iran kind of has it.

AND, anyone who cares viscerally about Palestine, well, they're going to have a soft spot for Iran and the Shia revolution. Because the Arabs pussed out, in 1982-83 when they abandoned Arafat and let Abbas send the whole gang to Tunis, then again during the first Intifada (sp?), when striking Palestinians needed cash to stay off the Israeli pay rolls, but I guess the Sunnis were too busy building pleasure palaces or whatever. But Hezbollah and Hamas? They're kicking all kinds of ass. Which may get the average Mohammed on Team Shia, but could also alienate the alliance that could clinch it for the Shias.

Israel and Iran are natural allies. They've worked together before - I just spent six hours reading about how Israel covertly kept Iran's military up and running during the Iran-Iraq War, and they worked together when Iran was under the Shah, too. They're the only two non-Arab states in the region, so they share common interests. Plus they share the old King Cyrus story, not to mention 30,000 Iranian Jews with full freedom of religion, voting rights, etc. So why aren't they allies already?

The obvious answer here is President Ahmadinejad, but can't we blame the Wahhabists for this one, too? They'd be shit out of luck if the Shiites and Israelis formed a strategic partnership, which would of course be contingent on a workable two-state solution with very restricted right of return...maybe we should hope for fairy people to do it instead. But anyway.

WHAT IF...all this mess was just the Wahhabists making their big play for global hegemony? You know they want it...

[Tarkan]

Plus Iranian Shia Republicanism is pretty much, well, a popular democracy, at least it could be in theory.

In theory, Saddam Hussein was a popularly elected President, who regularly received over 99% of the vote.

For the life of me, I don't know why people think that Iran is democratic in any shape, form, or fashion. The mullahs set the policy, control the military and the policy, and decide which candidates get to run and which candidates do not. It's a religious oligarchy pure and simple, with a vote to placate the masses and Western idiots. What is even more astonishing is the same idiots that fawn over Iranian "democracy" think that the US, under GWB, is a religious autocracy.

[Sri Lanky]

No,the majority of Americans actually believe what their leaders say and follow blindly(out of their own free will!!!).

Especially if their leader proclaims strict observance of a Christian God.....and maybe even talks with Him.

[friendlyskies]

In theory, Saddam Hussein was a popularly elected President, who regularly received over 99% of the vote.

For the life of me, I don't know why people think that Iran is democratic in any shape, form, or fashion. The mullahs set the policy, control the military and the policy, and decide which candidates get to run and which candidates do not. It's a religious oligarchy pure and simple, with a vote to placate the masses and Western idiots. What is even more astonishing is the same idiots that fawn over Iranian "democracy" think that the US, under GWB, is a religious autocracy.

Point and match, I will certainly concede this point after poking around a bit. Like I said, I don't know a lot about the ME. Although I still think Iran is more democratic than Saudi Arabia, at least in theory. But that's sort of like saying that China has fewer human rights violations than Nazi Germany, eh?

[coldharvest]

http://www.saudi-us-relations.org/articles/2006/ioi/060521-dialogue-statement.html

[nowonmai]

Those evil Swiss.

How else do you describe war profiteering on the back of genocide. Still not aplogised for it, unlike Germany, so yes, evil little fuckers IMO.

[roadkill]

How else do you describe war profiteering on the back of genocide. Still not aplogised for it, unlike Germany, so yes, evil little fuckers IMO.

i resent the use of the word "little"

btw, do you have gold teeth ? just curious...

[loki547]

for the saudi-theorists, read "secrets of the kingdom", by gerald posner.the first 4 pages should make your blood boil. for a semi-complete look into the Iranian mindset, i recommend "the persian puzzle", by kenneth pollack.

[wsduncanb]

Surely, you jest! You know more about the MIDDLE-EAST than you give yourself credit for, Comrade. Therefore, I must needs suspect you for a CFR plant. Oh, sure. You've got these fuckin' amatuers snowed but you don't fool me, son. You're tryin' to put SALT in everyone's game here wit' your big words n' high-falootin' pithy pictures, but I ain't drinkin' your KOOL-AID. You're an INTERN at that there HERITAGE FOUNDATION in WDC, which makes you one of them stinkin' rat bastards!

Simply put, "I don't trust you."

So I'm thinking this could be a very successful meme, but I need your help. Not just spreading it, although that's important, but also fleshing it out. Because I don't know much about the Middle East, really.



Basically, the conspiracy theory goes like this: Bush is secretly a Wahhabist Muslim and he's using the USA to support Saudi Arabia and their extra-annoying version of Islamic Monarchy.

This would explain why, for example, we were attacked by Wahhabists but got our revenge by, you know, attacking the biggest threat to Wahhabist Saudi Arabia, which was Iraq. Then threatening to attack Saudi Arabia's other biggest threat, Iran. Then getting Israel to attack Shia Hezbollah and Shia Hamas, but leave the Sunnis alone. And of course it explains why Bush didn't get freaked out when they told him people were flying planes into assorted buildings - because that's when they read him the hypnotic trigger words, "My Pet Goat."

No shit, Sherlock?
But what does it
All mean, Genius?

[coldharvest]

The dog you feed the most barks the loudest.

[loki547]

heheheh

[Captain_Solo]

Then getting Israel to attack Shia Hezbollah and Shia Hamas, but leave the Sunnis alone.

Hamas isn't Shi'ite, nor are they enemies of Saudi Arabia.



Hey look, it is Hamas leaders Khaalid Mesh'aal and Isma'il Haniyah with Saudi leader King Abdullaah al-Saud.