Bike sex man placed on probation

[Mikethehack]

(BBC)

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

[SRR]

Wait.... he was doing this in private, and someone unlocked the door and walked in on him? Whatever happened to stuff behind closed doors staying behind closed doors? What's the crime, aside from bad taste?

(I'm not advocating bike sex.... he could have used a rubber bicycle doll or something.....)

[Professor Devlin]

It was not a bike, to him it was a mobile penis pump. Strange outcome though.

So now he is a sex offender, is he going to have to live a certin distance away from bike shops and bike racks ?

[coldharvest]

So now he is a sex offender, is he going to have to live a certin distance away from bike shops and bike racks ?

"Robert borrowed your 10 speed today"
"Tell 'im he can keep it"

[Caliban]

The offence he was charged with, was sexual breach of the peace. Its one of many peculiar laws they have up in Scotland that don't, and some never have, appear on the statute books in the rest of the UK.

You'd think they would have more important things to deal with...

As an aside, the previous person so charged was having sex with a...pavement !!???!?!?!! Don't ask, I don't know.

[Caliban]

HE WAS FRAMED !



Damn I wish I'd thought of that weeks ago. damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn!!

[Mikethehack]

HE WAS FRAMED !



Damn I wish I'd thought of that weeks ago. damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn!!

I put that up here weeks ago, waiting for some wit to come along and say it. Methinks the flaggers are showing signs of senility....

[Caliban]

HE WAS FRAMED !



Damn I wish I'd thought of that weeks ago. damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn!!

I put that up here weeks ago, waiting for some wit to come along and say it. Methinks the flaggers are showing signs of senility....

I feel slightly ashamed.

None the less

Went to court because he was called before the bar.
Now on a [b]chain gang
A bit of a [/b]crank
He got a light sentence
He won't brake the law again
Sex used to tyre him out
he was giving it a good pump
Is he a dirty devil or just a Muddy Fox
Was the bike wearing "the gear"
He secumbed because the bike had a fine rack

[Sri Lanky]

Ok Caliban...time to re-tire.

[Caliban]

Ok Caliban...time to re-tire.

oooooooh ! I thought I made a pretty good job of those considering it was the early hours of Sunday morning and I had earlier attempted to drink my own body weight in beer (NOT an easy task , a job of work that takes dedication and PLENTY of practice)

[Sri Lanky]

I love the THC...it's the one part of this website where you can write anything you want and not feel like a total goof.

[Caliban]

I love the THC...it's the one part of this website where you can write anything you want and not feel like a total goof.

I don't feel that constrained. I'm happy to look a knob anytime, anywhere....and quite often do !-)

[Caliban]

Well in the week that we have Henry the hoover raped by Pole (Make up your own jokes) He is yet another freaky fucker

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jh ... ost106.xml

Man arrested for 'having sex with lamp-post'
By Bonnie Malkin
Last Updated: 3:21pm GMT 06/03/2008



A 32-year-old man has been arrested in Wiltshire for allegedly simulating a sex act with a lamp-post.

Worker caught having sex with Henry Hoover
Man who had sex with bicycle sentenced
The incident is the latest in a spate of bizarre sex crimes involving inanimate objects.


The incident was witnessed by children
A police spokesman said officers were called to a road in the town of Westbury on February 16 after they received a report of a man acting indecently outside a block of flats "occupied by several young women".

When they arrived they arrested him on suspicion of outraging public decency.

The man was released on bail, but following an investigation into the incident and several interviews with witnesses - including children - he was recalled for questioning. He has since been re-released pending further inquiries.

The Wiltshire police spokesman said: "We are awaiting a decision as to whether there should be a prosecution".

The incident echoes a similar case last week when a Polish contractor was caught on his knees with a vacuum cleaner in a hospital staff canteen.

A security guard walked in on the man in the middle of a compromising act with the Henry Hoover appliance. He later claimed he was cleaning his underpants. He has now been fired.

Last year, Robert Stewart was placed on probation for three years after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

The 51-year-old was naked from the waist down when two cleaners walked in on him at the Aberley House Hostel in south west Scotland.

He paused only to ask, "What is it, hen?", before continuing to "move his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex".

In 1993, Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs.

[flipflop]

PHWOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!!

Cheers

[SRR]

Wait.... this sounds like a clear case of discrimination against bike-sexuals!

It also brings new meaning to the word "bi-cycle".....

I'll be here for part of the week. Try the veal!