Security! Armoured Luxury Cars for the Global 1%

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Security! Armoured Luxury Cars for the Global 1%

Postby Mikethehack » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:33 pm

With armed bandits commandeering the roadways, stumbling beggars clumped at every off-ramp, and uppity protesters Occupying the best parking spots in front of headquarters, how are members of the global 1% to get safely from their secured boardrooms to their gated estates? Well, if they can afford the mid-six-figure price tag, endure the hundreds of hours spent on up-fitting, and don’t mind reinforcing their drawbridge to handle a four-ton load, there are a variety of ultra-luxury vehicles that offer plutocrats more protection than a Pullman full of Pinkertons.

These elegant saloons—the Audi A8L Security, BMW Security 7, and Mercedes S600 Guard—all come direct from the manufacturers’ assembly lines, where their thousands of extra pounds of high-strength steel, aramid fabrics, and polycarbonate linings are baked right into the build process. This allows the cars to provide overlapping protection in places like hinges, seams, and mounting points that after-market retrofitters can’t reach. More important, it also allows the vehicles (and their V.V.V.I.P. owners) to maintain a discreet appearance, one that’s virtually indistinguishable from the “standard” $100,000 models on which they’re based.

But don’t be fooled by their junior-executive drag; each of these vehicles is rated to withstand Death Star–like firepower. The non-glass regions can resist class-nine ammunition, which includes armaments like .50-caliber machine guns. The 2.5-inch-thick windows can deflect all-day AK spray. The floorboards can take two simultaneously detonated hand grenades; the roof can take a third. And if a baddie wants to try blowing out your candles with up to 15 kilograms of TNT, these cars will frost on unscathed—on specially lined wheels that allow escape velocities even with melted tires.

If poison gas is your insurgent’s weapon of choice, the sedans can be outfitted with closed systems that pump onboard oxygen into the cabin through sealed vents. If you’re up against Molotovs or flame throwers, check the fireproofing-option box, and you’ll receive a steam shower’s worth of hidden nozzles that spray an extinguishing agent into the wheel arches, gas tank, and engine and onto the ground beneath the car. And if you’re lucky enough to be confronted only with unarmed chanters, be sure to purchase the externally mounted public-address speakers, so you can audibly order the rabble to disperse—before giving your driver the signal to run them down.

Since no vehicle can be made completely impervious, these cars’ most important feature is their ability to ferry occupants away from a threat. Some manufacturers, like BMW, provide in-depth hands-on training for your chauffeur, including coursework in practices like evasive maneuvers, antagonist immobilization, sniper-fire avoidance, and “destructive driving”: riding guardrails, breaking through barriers. But just in case, be sure to order the optional pyrotechnical separating screws that, when triggered, blast the doors off their hinges, allowing fleet flight on foot.

Note: We’ll have to wait until things further deteriorate domestically, as none of these cars is available in America. Yet.

More pix here:
http://www.vanityfair.com/style/stick-s ... di#slide=7

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Re: Security! Armoured Luxury Cars for the Global 1%

Postby gnaruki » Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:48 pm

The ultimate personal prison!
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Re: Security! Armoured Luxury Cars for the Global 1%

Postby JITW » Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:01 pm

You have to be rich to own an armored vehicle because they have such fucking horrible maintenance problems you need to own 2 cuz one will always be in the shop


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Re: Security! Armoured Luxury Cars for the Global 1%

Postby gnaruki » Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:01 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_opVM_aGYo[/youtube]
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