Legendary 'King Arthur' this is not
By Mike Clark, USA TODAY
Given that it has been 45 years or so since even Robert Goulet donned Camelot armor, you'd think there couldn't be a fresh variation left when it comes to those Arthur-Guinevere-Lancelot dynamics. Well, leave it to the producer who helped dream up Johnny Depp as a pirate to order a round table's worth of pizzas.
For better or worse, but surely satisfying novelty needs, Jerry Bruckheimer's King Arthur (* * ½ out of four) is set much earlier than usual and against the crumbling Roman Empire, which may even (or not) be historically legitimate. In any event, we're in a new screen era when a smarmy Italian bishop feeds Arthur (Clive Owen) a line you don't often hear in these movies: "The pope has taken a special interest in you." (Related video: Watch a clip from King Arthur)
As subservient Brits, Arthur's remaining men have survived 15 years of combat attrition and are rockin' to wench. But no. A stranded Roman family is about to be pillaged by scruffy Saxons, necessitating a rescue. And you can imagine Arthur's irk when he comes to find that the clan's chief rescue target isn't remotely worthy of the effort — even if one torture victim he discovers in an adjacent dungeon is (Keira Knightley's Guinevere).
There's a built-in dilemma for anyone who tries to assign merit or non to this high-priced throwaway: The sillier it gets, the more mild fun it becomes (even if you don't respect yourself the next morning). Guinevere's cramped-cell time has so gnarled her fingers that their joints look ready for witch's casting if and whenever Bruckheimer decides to film Hansel and Gretel. Yet let Arthur give them a few well-placed pulls and twists, and here she is a reel or two later hitting bull's-eye Saxon targets with precision, bending that bow like Beckham.
Owen, Knightley and Stellan Skarsgaard (who better as a goldilocked Saxon heavy?) all do more for the movie's same old flaming weaponry than the weaponry does for them. There's a Lancelot here, too — Ioan Gruffudd, an anti-marquee moniker if ever there was one — but the traditional romantic triangle isn't much of a factor. The movie never seems to quite know what's on its mind, though individual scenes (a cool battle on the ice) have their moments. The director is Antoine Fuqua of Training Day, which at times describes his epic-fashioning chores here. (Opens nationwide today. Rated PG-13 for intense battle sequences, a scene of sensuality, wild hardcore fuck scenes, some language)