They tell me I can’t write to you. Can’t come around your house or visit your store. Phone you or send you
a fax. How about an email? Well, I don’t want to take the chance. Understand this, I don’t do this because
someone phones me up to me to tell me what I do is illegal. If that were true I wouldn’t have done any of
it. Being homeless is not a crime. Nor is being in love or being lonely. Which of those three was ever I?
Anyway. I don’t dare because I never meant to cause you any discomfort or stress in the first place.
So let’s be fair. I get my self into more trouble for not expressing my self than I do if I don’t. And no one is
going to stop me from expressing what I feel.
It doesn’t matter if it goes into a book, a story, a painting or a picture or a photo or a song or a film. The
urge and desire to create is something often misunderstood and undervalued in contemporary society.
It's always been that way. Vincent Van Gogh as a vaunted example. His works were never appreciated in
his day while his feet were on the earth and while his brush touched the canvas. Only after he died was
he recognized.
I’ll cut it short…
I just had a few things to say so I thought I might as well write. My only last hope being that somehow this
message can find its way to you.
I wanted to say that I was sorry. It’s probably necessary for me to grow as a person. But lets look at it like
this. It would be hard for me to try and truly move on left with the thought that even something as effusive
to grasp as a concept as a virtual relationship is something that can’t be appreciated for what its worth.
What do things mean after they are gone? In this sense, the click of one page to another, the deletion of
an email lend them a sense of impermanence and so then does this mean that they are by design of
delivery that easy to forget?
Or should be? How do we attach value to such non-tangible concepts?
Yet we are always dialed in. Plugged in. No escape from wires of communication. Fax by email, text by
phone, VoiP, what does it all matter? Here in the world of the web, a new concept is born. That of being
first acquainted with the net first, then meeting someone via the net we think we never would have met
prior without it. Someone new.
Yet one ends and the other continues. An online relationship fails. The net is not like any other medium.
Around every corner on the web navigated, around every twisted turn, we still don’t forget. Although the
terrain is all new and virtual, we navigate intuitively groping in the dark for something that feels familiar.
Then out there in the “real” world what do we see? Every other advertisement whether its radio, TV or
print or word of mouth or bumper sticker or sign is begging for a
few seconds from us to commit to
memory another URL we have to visit when we have the time.
And then there’s the news itself. Stories about computers and the Internet often make the news and
sometimes just not in the Tech Section. It’s ubiquitous. From the travel pages to automotive. And then
there’s the TV news. More and more switching between monitors and news clips to show off or
demonstrate a point vis a vis an on-line site. (Filming directly with cameras,
the flickering monitor effect kicks in and we see scanning lines)
So how should I end this?
By saying I am sorry? Well maybe you don’t need to hear that as much as I feel the need to say it.
Having a quasi email relationship with you wasn’t that bad. I guess I just wished I knew what it all meant
to you. Somehow. Some way. I know it went off the rails and I bear the blame. But? You might forgive me
but what if I never end up forgiving my self?
On my last leg! Here I am..I ask you one last thing: can we start over
fresh and anew? From the start of
where we were? The Internet is a brand new tool. Unregulated. We make mistakes along the way. I am
human and I make mistakes. Aren't you glad? For what its worth, I'm sorry the way things ended the way
they did but I am not sorry I ever met you on-line.
I know what’s true. Their trues I’ll never meet another girl like you.
That I may have to yet realize how I blew my
chance will take me some getting used to but if you want me to I will.
Every time I hear this song on the radio I think of you. Every line and every vocal tune seems to speak to
me personally. So what if I call the radio station and say please dedicate
this song to so and so? What if you don’t hear it?
It’s the same thing here: what if I post this message and you don’t read
it?
The fact that I took some time to do some things meant I valued your friendship. And I’m sorry I ruined it.
I’m so sorry. You know you’re part of the reason I thought the net was so cool. It still is. But no where
nearly as much as when it was cool with you for me to write.
So just as long as you know that as long as we are both passing through this world, some of it online
and some not, I may as will tell you: some of it meant something
to me. And I hope it means
something enough to you to remember me when you hear this song..
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you