Bronco wrote:Since we're almost neighbors and I go into Portland every now and then, I thought I'd respond to some of the remarks on the list you posted:
No hip-hop scene… oops Hooray! No Disco scene, either :o)
The lack of good BBQ You should head East about 80 miles
First Thursday First Friday
Last Thursday Last Friday
No thunderstorms Forest Fires started by lightning. You must have missed them, but we were on evacuation notice.
Not being able to pump your own gas Help the otherwise unemployed..It's an option to serving burgers & fries.
Your coffee order is scrutinized The days of good coffee are over. It's Lattes or nothing. Gotta be able to decorate it.
High income tax High property tax, because....No Sales Tax!
Good to hear a voice of reason. Allow me to tack on some comments to the list:
1. Constant drizzle - Can't change the weather. Love it or leave it.
2. Vintage polo shirt = dressing up - You must only hang out with the hoi polloi
3. Socks and sandals - I think it's a mormon thing
4. Passive-aggression - Can't stand it BUT if you act forward other people will act forward.
5. Overpriced cocktails - Shop around
6. Everything’s a “scene” - You're not from around here, are ya?
7. No hip-hop scene… oops - Blame Portland's finest
8. Artisanal everything - And it's bullshit, made in China ain't artisanal no matter how you try to spin it.
9. Toe shoes - They look stupid and expensive, try no shoes instead.
10. A-Terminal at PDX - Piss off.
11. The Lloyd Center - Why!?! That's where Tonya Harding used to practice her skating tricks.
12. Can’t buy liquor in the grocery store - Boo-hoo try planning your drinking in advance.
13. Stole “Keep Portland Weird” from Austin - Agreed.
14. Unkempt beards - Partially agreed.
15. Trendy-third - 23rd? You mean the first neighborhood in Portland to get trendified? Place is for tourists these days, give us your money!
16. People from Vancouver crossing the river to shop without sales tax - Again, give us your money!
17. People from Gresham - Fuck off, they're people too you fair weather elitist.
18. People from Clackamas - see 17.
19. Depending on who you ask, either the East side or the West side. - Makes no difference these days.
20. Transit patrol (the MAX isn’t free?) - Correct. Read the signage. In fact read a fucking newspaper while you're at it.
21. Starbucks - So? It's overpriced and everywhere in the world.
22. No air conditioning anywhere (for those two days we need it) - Maybe some wine will help your whine.
23. Food carts that don’t take credit cards - Food carts are a scam at these point. Used to be cheap eats, now they're charging restaurant prices. Fuck 'em.
24. There's only one Wu-Tang Pizza pop-up - It's a tragedy
25. Your friend’s band - How old are you?
26. Mold... - It can easily be managed though good house keeping practices.
27. ... and lots of other allergens - Go back to where you came from. The grass seed capitol of the world is 100 miles south. Deal with it.
28. Your parents are seriously talking about moving here - It truly is becoming a retirement destination.
29. Our second-hand stores are filled with expensive designer clothing - Ya. Cuz transplant kids that are subsidized by their parents move here and sell it off for cash.
30. Regular E. coli scares - If every city's water was monitored like Portland's there would be E. coli scares throughout the country. Portland has some of the best tap water in the country.
31. Voodoo Donuts is somehow popular - Tres is a fun dude. It's great he's making money off it, ultimately it's a tourist thing. Karaoke From Hell is his masterpiece.
32. Parades that shut down the city - Portland tradition. It's older than you and more important than you.
33. Snow flurries that shut down the city - Awesome. We get city wide snow days every other year.
34. The clever panhandlers who wait outside of Ground Kontrol - HAhahah Brilliant! (Ground Kontrol is a pinball and video game arcade, that also serves beer)
35. The lack of good BBQ - Really? Apparently you don't get out much.
36. Intoxicated PSU students - You must live in the South park blocks.
37. EDM at the Roseland - Agreed.
38. Safeway - What? The one by PSU is a hoot at midnight.
39. We have how many strip clubs? And only one is open after 2am?! - I don't follow.
40. First Thursday - Agreed. It's gone down hill.
41. Last Thursday - Agreed. Annoying 'burner' types.And the mayor yelled at me once for drinking a beer in public.
42. You might get an STD walking barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park - Heroine is a hell of a drug
43. People walk barefoot in the neighborhoods around Providence Park - Agreed.
44. Dogs in bars - I love it.
45. Dogs in restaurants - see 44
46. Dogs in carriages - Pathetic
47. Pabst is the only cheap beer that's ironic enough to drink. Except for Rainier, 'cause it's "local"- I don't follow
48. Signature collectors with clipboards - Most of them make $15/hr.
49. The impending doom of Cartopia - Good.
50. Brunch lines - You're a dipshit if you stand in line to eat at a mediocre brunch spot.
51. Portlandia - The statue or the teevee show>?
52. Pop-up Dave Chappelle shows that you’ll never get tickets to - damn shame
53. Fair-weather sports fans - I don't follow
54. Pee in the reservoir - Whatever
55. All the other stuff in the reservoir - You hate water?
56. Chinatown - It moved East. Fortunately many of the families that built old chinatown still own the buildings.
57. No thunderstorms - They occur nearby.
58. There are a ton of sweet new restaurants you haven't tried - Whatever. Most of them are hyped up, overpriced shit.
59. The vagrant population - Yep. They arrive in full force come June and don't leave till September. See 42
60. Not being able to pump your own gas - Creates jobs and reduces insurance costs. If you don't like it buy a diesel powered auto.
61. Potholes - Meh. I'm not going to prattle on for pages about our fcuked up transportation bureaucracy .
62. Rockslides/mudslides - Uncommon. Do you remember 1996?
63. We named a bridge Tilikum - Agreed. Wy'east would have been much cooler.
64. Construction on Division - It's the new 23rd! (trendy third)
65. The Streetcar's "top" speed - I like racing it... on foot.... I usually win.
66. "Where can I get good Mexican food?" - Not telling
67. James Beard Public Market doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen - Probably a flop
68. Powell’s construction - They're managing it quite well.
69. My neighborhood doesn’t have a New Seasons yet - Yep, im sure you live in downtown SW.
70. Leaf blowers - Really? Fuck off. Go try leaf removal by rake and broom and get back to me.
71. Marijuana's still illegal (technically) - don't care
72. Aggressive bus drivers - I don't follow.
73. Alder St Downtown - Don't drive there.
74. Parking on the West side - Noob
75. When the bridge is raised - Which one?
76. American Property Management - You let yourself get screwed out of your apartment deposit? Boo hoo.
77. No late-night dining (or otherwise) - Don't follow.
78. The OLCC- Some of their rules are stupid but they distribution model is great.
79. People who complain about the weather See 1.
80. People who complain about people who complain about the weather See 79
81. Some Timbers fans - Agreed
82. The real Chinatown is on 82nd - Yep.
83. Rich white kids from the West Hills - Envious of their car?
84. Homogeneity - Don't follow. You clearly don't get far from city center.
85. High income tax - And that super high sales tax of 0%!!!!
86. Gentrification - Pot meet kettle.
87. Waterfront Park is constantly filled with events during our two months of Summer - Fun to be had.
88. Your coffee order is scrutinized - don't follow
89. Your beer order is scrutinized - don't follow
90. PSU Farmers Market is always packed - and overpriced
91. Californians - this has been an Oregonian past time since the 1980's.
92. Mount Hood could erupt at any moment - wanna bet?
93. Nobody seems to be able to drive in the rain - Just the first day of rain after a dry spell.
94. Cats on leashes - ahahhahahahahaaaaha
95. Motorists vs. cyclists vs. pedestrians - I don't know which one I hate more. We need jetpacks.
96. The New York Times won't shut up about us already - That has been going on for years.
97. The Naked Bike Ride - Passe
98. We’re only 173 miles from Seattle... - And only 3 hours! *traffic dependent.
99. ... and some people actually think they're better than us. Seriously?! - Better, worse, who gives a shit.